PARENTS

Sex During Pregnancy

19/01/2010 22:34 | Updated 22 May 2015

After last week's post on 'sex after having a baby', I thought I'd write a bit about sex during pregnancy as, in my experience, this is when your sexual relationship first starts to change.

Whether you are pregnant now, trying to get pregnant or have already given birth, you will have definitely read or have been told by a health professional that, specific pregnancy complications aside, sex during pregnancy is perfectly safe. Though you know that is true theoretically, emotionally it can be an entirely different story.

If getting pregnant was difficult or if you suffered previous miscarriages, then you may understandably be less than keen to have sex even if your doctor or midwife says it's fine.

I've had two children with two different fathers, and both were so concerned with "hurting" the baby, that they were quite simply too freaked out to continue our sex life as it was pre-pregnancy.While on the one hand I understood their concern, on the other hand, I must admit that I felt "rejected".

As your body starts to grow larger and you start to feel not a little bovine, your partner steering clear of any hint of sex does not help with your already delicate self-confidence.

If you find yourself in this position, I'm not really sure I have any advice. You can't force your partner to find you sexually attractive or to have sex with you... You can, however, try and explain to him how it makes you feel. Perhaps you can find some other pleasing non-penetrative sex alternatives you both enjoy. I must admit, that never really worked for me. I'd always get to the point where I just wanted sex... and have to face rejection again. I remained ultimately "unsatisfied" through most of both my pregnancies.

Around seven months into my first pregnancy, I started to be woken in the night by the most vivid and downright perverted dreams imaginable. So very, very filthy that I've only ever told my husband about them (he looked at me in a new way after that). I wouldn't dare to repeat one here.

My body was raging with hormones, but with no release. Night after night my sub-conscious would take a bit of the pressure off. Daytimes became interesting when I'd see someone who starred in my dream the night before. They just thought I had the blush of late pregnancy. I, however, was reliving the filth...

At the beginning of my second pregnancy, I was actually looking forward to having the sex dreams again. I waited and waited.... but nothing. Not even a brush with my boss or a fling with a friend... Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I was hoping for one last big sexual surge before the months of sleepless nights and nappy-changing took over. No. Such. Luck.

How did pregnancy change your sex life? Did your partner find sex off-putting? Did your own sexual desires change?

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