PARENTS

Achtung Baby Or Does She Or Doesn't She?

10/08/2010 16:27 | Updated 22 May 2015

Mention Germany to folk of a certain generation (who have never "actually been" but are proud owners of the World War 2 Collectors DVD box set they ordered from the Daily Mail), and you can always depend on a few old chestnuts.

Autobahns on which you can drive your efficient and well built German car as fast as you wish (not necessarily true). Flagons of frothy beer served by buxom wenches (not necessarily true). Tall, blond, blue eyed men sporting lederhosen and chopping wood (not necessarily true....unfortunately). And woman with hairy armpits. The number of which I'm not qualified to comment on but suffice it to say country life lends itself to a some minimization when it comes to personal grooming of the depilatory kind.

And why indeed should it be your priority whether the armpits you're up to in cow's udders and chicken feed are smooth and stubble free? Good on them I say.

Personally, my relationship with my Gillette Venus is as strong as ever though I'm still searching for that goddess in me they keep promising.

I didn't think Finje held a particular interest or indeed preference regarding any bodily hair to be honest.

I was to be proved wrong yet again.

A reliable and indefatigable alarm clock, Finje crawls into our bed at 6.30am every morning. Wide awake and irritatingly peppy at that ungodly hour, she normally chatters us into submission causing us to grudgingly get vertical and start the day with a smile. Yesterday I was tenderly awoken by my daughter's armpit. She was, by means of some admittedly impressive contortion, sticking her axilla under my still rather drowsy nasal cavities.

This was the conversation that followed after I had extricated myself from this frankly unacceptable attempt at a morning wake up call.

Finje: "Look, I've planted seeds!"

Me: "Eh? What? Erm I mean pardon? Where am I?" (I'm not a morning person)

Finje: "I've planted seeds here" (more armpit visuals) "and they will grow and I will have fur like Frau Schultz"

Me: "Excellent, right, off you go them and, erm, water them. Or something." (Mumfail)

Although her, let's say "creative thoughts" often leave us in a state of shock, this time I managed to join up the dots. We had planted grass seeds in an attempt at growing a lawn a few weeks earlier so that must be the connection.

Oh yes, and Frau Schultz does have very hairy armpits.

Think I should probably hide the razor for a while.

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