The Newborn Diaries: Designer Baby

05/10/2010 11:52 | Updated 22 May 2015

One of the things I was not-so-secretly most looking forward to about becoming a mother was the baby clothes. Finally, a reason to buy Stella McCartney for Gap where I wouldn't be branded a complete psycho (unlike the time I tried to stuff myself into a tiger-print jumper meant for a 12-year-old).

And as a person who writes about fashion but can't actually afford to buy anything seen on the catwalks, you can imagine how thrilled I was when a wardrobe of designer duds found its way into my home. Even though all of it was for Diana.

Thanks to the generosity of amazing friends and relatives, this little creature is already in possession of more Dior than I've seen in a lifetime (a babygro, red Mary Janes, a set of floral blocks and a Baby Dior bottle to accessorise with, of course). Meanwhile, the closest I'm getting to Galliano is scraping out the residue from a three-year-old Dior lipstick I unearthed from the bottom of my bag.

Those lovely friends and family didn't stop there. From Petit Bateau babygros to Ralph Lauren dresses by way of Tiffany (a silver teething rattle) and Links of London (an adorable charm bracelet she can start wearing from three months), Diana is swiftly on her way to becoming a little Suri Cruise in the fashion stakes (minus the Scientology and creepy heels).

I can't quite believe how much cool stuff she's already amassed: a pearl necklace, a lace outfit made in Burano, the lace capital of Italy, Replay bellbottom jeans, reworked kimono dresses from Australia, plus some of the cutest clothing from Baby Gap, including trendy peasant tops, a Barbour-style hunting jacket and a hot pink tutu à la Carrie Bradshaw in the opening scene of Sex and the City. Which she can pair with velour animal booties, a cashmere knit hat, Mary Jane trompe d'oeil socks in a rainbow of colours and pink Converse high-tops, depending on the occasion and the weather, naturally. She even has better eco-credentials than I do, considering half of these clothes are made from organic cotton. Have I mentioned she's six weeks old?

Yes, I'm insanely jealous. While Diana's getting more glamorous by the minute, my look has gone from pregnant and wearing five dresses on rotation from Topshop Maternity since February to breastfeeding and alternating between three crappy button-downs and two nursing tops. So even though I've completely given up on myself (bad news for Diana's dad, I'm afraid) and am desperate to buy everything on the planet for my baby girl (just as luck would have it, there are about 10 new designer baby ranges which have just launched, from Paul Smith to Gucci), I am trying to play the role of sensible mum. Which means Diana's day-to-day wear consists of three-to-a-pack sleepsuits from John Lewis and £2 stripy leggings from Mothercare. I figure the kid's got to learn to mix high street with designer, right?

As adorable as baby clothes are, unfortunately, they're not resistant to the less adorable things that babies tend to do, namely spitting up and pooing. There have been a few casualties already (even the most absorbent of nappies can't seem to contain Diana's more explosive, projectile poos, which land halfway up her tummy and back, soaking through clothes and blankets).

Also, babies really dislike being changed (or at least mine certainly does), which makes the prospect of dressing her too often unappealing to both mum and daughter. Anything that involves going over her head is best avoided (sleeves are also a struggle).

So you'll often find mummy and baby slumming it in slob couture on the couch together, both in stained button-downs. No points for guessing whose is designer.

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