The new routine - my ex working away from home, and me doing all the childcare whilst working full time - is not working well.
Helpful comments from friends and family have ranged from 'but at least you're seeing less of each other now' through to 'ah, so now you know what it really feels like to be a single parent'.
Both absolute rubbish. The only feelings I have at the moment are tiredness and resentment. Never towards my son – I do not resent anything I have to do for him - but resentment that I have been forced into a situation without consultation, and kind of abandoned unto it without any provision of help being laid on.
Minor things get blown out of all proportion. Nothing runs smoothly. I had a babysitter booked during week one who let me down, and I had to cancel a dinner arrangement at the last minute. The next week the babysitter arrived ten minutes late and because I feel I have to be grateful (and I am) I can't actually say anything.
To be honest, I would manage better if I was a 'proper' single parent. I wouldn't have to rely on anyone but me to make arrangements, and I wouldn't have to take anybody else's schedule into account.
And if I was properly on my own, I wouldn't have to go out so much, I could socialise at home, and not feel like I am constantly having to run away from my own house.
A friend told me recently that she has daydreams about us escaping our respective troubled home lives and sharing a big house by the sea. I giggled at the absurdity of the idea at first. But for the past few days, it has been occupying my thoughts rather a lot.
What do you think?
Do you struggle to work full time and juggle childcare and home life?