Men we're a shallow lot. No sooner has our partner gone through the pain of childbirth (which we will never match, I admit, even when comparing the agony to a kick in the crotch) and provided us with a beautiful child, we're thinking about doing the nasty again.
They say men think about sex once every six seconds. As a man myself, I can categorically state that this is not true: if it was, we simply wouldn't get anything done. I mean, less than we do already. But it is lingering in our mind as the day goes on, every now and then popping up to give us something to think about. What can I say? It must stem from our cavemen days.
So it's no wonder that it doesn't take long for us to wonder when we're going to have sex again after childbirth: which is why you might find us every now and then looking like we're about to ask you a question, having a second thought, and then carrying on watching the TV without saying a word.
We're not stupid, despite what you may think: dads know that for a few weeks after childbirth, our partner is not feeling at her very best. We sympathise, and know that you must be incredibly sore 'down there', which explains why you're walking like John Wayne. But it'd be great to know how you feel, what you're thinking when it comes to the 'S' word. And so, I asked a group of mums for their stories.
Understandably, very few of them wanted to be named. But their stories shed a little light on the answer to the question that has plagued men since the beginning of time; and some responses were quite surprising. Instead of shying away from sex for months after birth, some mums couldn't wait to get back in the sack – depending on the severity of any damage done during labour, of course.
"I delivered my son naturally, no grazing, no tears, stitches," said one mum, "and nine days after delivery we did it for the first time...we took it very slowly." Some mothers waited marginally longer. "I was ready to try again when Lizzie was about two weeks old, but was worried that everything hadn't quite returned to normal – so we waited until six weeks." How was it, may I ask? "OMG! It was like my first time all over again!"
Some mothers understandably do not feel at their sexiest following birth. "My sex drive returned after about four months," mentioned one mum. "That doesn't mean I am up for it though; I still feel fat and wobbly and don't want him to see me naked just yet! Plus, being so tired and so devoted to a new baby means even if you do fancy it, you rarely have the energy or time."
Good point. Being up at all hours of the night doesn't do much for your stamina levels, and as a result time to bond between the sheets can be few and far between. This can get frustrating for both mum and dad, who are keen to have a bit of 'alone time' despite the shriek of constant crying perforating the air.
So, were the dads pushing for sex? Far from it, if you look at the mums' stories. In fact, we find that us dads are a caring bunch. "One week later I was desperate to get back in the saddle, despite the pain and discomfort," one mum recalls. "but it was the other half who wasn't sure! Normal service resumed at two weeks." "I wanted to try after two weeks," said another mum, "but my other half said no."
"My other half ensured me that if it was too uncomfortable he would stop." remembers a mum. "He was gentle, and what made things so much easier was that he was so understanding about it. My advice would be to relax, take it slowly; and a big point for the males is to give us support and understanding!"
So there you have it. Although us dads are thinking about sex, it turns out that we've come a long way since the days we lived in caves and grunted at each other. Plus, we're mindful that your hormones are raging, which is why we look so scared all the time.
What He's Thinking
"I want to have sex again but she might claw my face off if I mention it."
"I hope I don't hurt her, that'd really ruin the mood."
"I can hear the baby moving in the other room. Please, please don't wake up..."
What She's Thinking
"Damn, I'm sore. Do you think people have noticed that I'm walking funny?"
"I want to have sex again but am worried it might hurt."
"Urgh, look at me. When am I going to shift this baby weight?"
"I can hear the baby moving in the other room. Please, please don't wake up..."
Top Things Dads Should Never Say
"You feel a bit bigger."
"These stretch marks...are they going to go eventually?"
"I miss when you had big boobs."
"We should've asked them to stitch you up tighter."
"I'm not sure I am ready for this jelly."
"Are you going on a diet any time soon?"
"Still carrying a bit of baby weight, I see."
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