PARENTS

The Royal Wedding: A Five-Year-Old's Version

04/05/2011 15:30 | Updated 22 May 2015
The Wedding: A five year old's versionPA

I was 10 years old when Charles married Diana. Thinking back, I recall very little, but a scrap book I kept at the time shed more light on my young view of the spectacle. Apparently I thought the dress was "amazing but not white enough", was planning on asking for a Princess Diana haircut and was wondering if I would be allowed "blue felt tip" for my eyes too.

I had cut out photographs of Diana (Charles was ripped off!) from the newspaper and stuck them into my book. The sellotape, now 30 years old, is a little brown but still holding on to my memories of that day and reminding me what it was like to be 10 and believe that princesses lead a magic life.

I'm not a royalist but really, there wasn't much else going on, so I reluctantly decided to half-heartedly watch. My five-year-old daughter seldom sees me with my laptop and not typing, so she wanted to know what I was watching. I explained that it was a prince getting married.

That was all it took. She was engrossed. I'd like to think that the chance to actually watch "television" was such a novelty that she could have been observing the union of Ming the Merciless and Maid Marion and it would have equally caught her attention.

I suspect however, all that pomp and circumstance, even for a five-year-old with no idea what it's all about, is enthralling.

I did try a perfunctory explanation of British royal history but she didn't really grasp it. When I pointed out the Queen of England, she was singularly unimpressed saying she couldn't be the real Queen because she didn't have a unicorn.

Either way, I'm glad we watched together. As the sycophantic commentary began to irritate, my daughter took over. Hew Edwards faded out and my girl launched into her version of events. So here are her comments as we watched a little piece of history together:

"A wedding? Like you and daddy did? Oh, okay"

"Did you look like that when you married daddy?"

"So she is a princess and he is a ponce?"

"He should have a beard" (William)

"I think she is wearing red shoes. White? No red, RED RED!"

"Silly hat" (Archbishop of Canterbury)

"Where is the king then?"

"Will she have a baby when she gets home?"

"Oh look! Lots of horses. Can I have a horse? Can I? Please can I? Why not? Not fair."

"I'm going to get married too. When I'm 10."

"Are they still singing?"

"Too much singing"

"That old man (Philip) has a sword. Are they going to fight now?"

"All these people they are talking to sound different to you mummy"

"What does posh mean?"

"Is it over now?"

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