Kate Moss is very probably the most beautiful creature in Christendom and the undisputed Queen of Bohemia. And as she grows older I see a certain similarity to the Queen of England, unlikely though it at first seems. Both are, after their own fashion, enigmatic and discreet, rarely venturing an opinion. Both never explain, never complain. And both are surrounded by the biggest collection of poisonous muppets who ever slithered out from under a stone screeching "DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?"
Elizabeth II has a husband who makes racist remarks, a son who takes the hospitality of convicted sex offenders and another son who throws things at his servants. Kate has a best friend - James Brown - who comes out with a stream of racist filth when drunk, a close friend - John Galliano - who does the same, and an even closer friend - Naomi Campbell - who has seen fit to bully, beat and blood-diamond her way through life like some feminine Flashman and is now, hilariously, suing a chocolate bar for being racist.
On the surface, the two queens might seem to have nothing to talk about. But I believe that should they ever meet, a raised eyebrow, a smirk and a murmured "Nearest and dearest - who'd have em, eh, Queenie?" might well be exchanged.
What's Naomi going to say to James Brown next time she sees him in Kate's kitchen? Hopefully she will unleash all the righteous anger which she has summoned up against aforementioned racist chocolate bar. But my feeling is that because Brown is a 'creative' person (amazingly, hairdressers come under that heading these days) he will, as Galliano has in some staggeringly stupid circles, be forgiven in a way a mere 'civilian' ( that is, someone who does a USEFUL job) would not be. Both Brown and Galliano are gay, too, of course, and a minority of gay men - best epitomised by the foul Elton John - have been coming out with hideously misogynistic abuse for some years now.
From calling women vile names because of their genitalia, it was just a short skip to calling blacks and Jews vile names because of their race. Yet can't we just imagine the cries of "Homophobia!" if someone so much as LOOKED as these swish scumbags - John, Brown, Galliano - the wrong way?
Equally to blame are those half-witted gangster-rappers, who made the N-word once more accessible and acceptable to those - black and white - with room temperature IQs, JUST when it had all but disappeared in civilised society. Give those homies a medal!
But at the end of the day - when most of these well-refreshed verbal muggings take place - there can be no excuse for foul behaviour, least of all blamed on a wonderful invention like alcohol. I am very rude, and I am basically a redneck, but I NEVER find that drink makes me racist - made me snog people when I was unhappily married, and makes me give money away now I am happily married, sure, but be RACIST? I just don't see the logic.