Celebrity Big Brother - The Story So Far: Jedward, Pamela Bach, Sally Bercow And The Rest
Ten fame-seeking celebrity misfits entered the revamped, shiny, Channel 5 Big Brother house less than a week ago, but a lot has already happened, it would seem.
What's occurred may have no bearing on wider society, it may be vacuous, shallow and self-centred, but it can be entertaining.
Five days in, here are our choice moments from Paddy Doherty, Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff, Bobby Sabel, Lucien Laviscount, Jedward, Kerry Katona, Sally Bercow, Tara Reid and Amy Childs’ frivolous antics in the CBB house…
1. The Speaker’s Wife Upsets Her Hubby Again
No stranger to dressing in sheets, the Speaker’s wife Sally Bercow, was tasked with reprising her attention-grabbing magazine photoshoot from earlier this year.
She dressed herself and her housemates in sheets and, although she had a hoot with her fellow ‘celebs’, that may be because she hasn’t heard the rumours that her marriage is in crisis.
Her MP husband is reportedly thinking about a divorce, a ‘colleague’ told The Mail On Sunday: "John is in despair. He just can't understand her obsession with being on the media and acting in such a provocative manner.”
2. The First Housemate Romance May Have Began
A game of romantic cat and mouse has ensued between former The Only Way Is Essex star Amy Childs and the-boy-from-Waterloo-Road-who-everyone-thinks-is-hot, Lucien Lasviscount.
This is no Katie Price and Peter Andre love story just yet though. No one seems sure what Laviscount’s really feeling, not even him.
The teen-heartthrob told Childs: “I don't get you yet, that's why I feel a bit weird around you. I fall to pieces. I shoot myself in the foot. I feel a bit weird around you.” Inexperienced? Or playing games? We’ve got three weeks to find out.
3. Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff Learns Amy Childs Is Rubbish At Meaningful Conversations
Former Baywatch star and David Hasselhoff’s ex-wife Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff confessed to Childs that she’s still in love with her hubby, after divorcing him back in 2006.
While having a heart-to-heart with the ditzy Essex girl in the Big Brother bedroom, Bach said of dating new men: "I'm kind of getting there where I would like to fall in love again.
"But when you've been in love so intensely like I was and married so long... I still love the man I knew and care about him, but anyway."
Childs then excitedly declared that she had met 'The Hoff', but Bach wasn’t impressed: "It's so funny to me," she said. "I call him David. I knew him 17, 18 years."
"You're not just going to go round and call him The Hoff, are you?" Childs reasoned, after realising she’d put her foot in it.
4. Tara Reid Declares War On Mr Paparazzi
Through the slurring and unintelligible talk, we’ve managed to work out American Pie star Tara Reid has attempted to form an alliance to evict Darryn Lyons from the house.
Feisty Reid said: "If someone pisses me off, then I will fight back…I will defend myself and if you turn on me, I will protect my space. Otherwise it's all love, but if you break my space, the love I give you is gone." We’re shaking in our boots…
5. Give Jedward A Mummy Costume And They’ll Make Up A Dance
When in doubt… make up a dance. We've had an insight into Jedward’s life motto when, after being given mummy costumes, they decided to choreograph a dance routine. That wasn’t actually a task but, anyway...