Twitter Jokes Of The Day: Monday 21 November 2011
Starting today, Huffington Post UK Comedy will be bringing you the day's best jokes from Twitter.
When we say "jokes" we mean puns, one-liners and funny tweets. And when we say "the day's", we do of course mean Monday to Friday's, because nobody says anything that funny at weekends, do they? Plus that's when we have a lie-down.
So, yes - Huffington Post UK will be trawling Twitter and posting the funniest jokes we've seen so far that day - and making allowances for our American And Other Foreign Friends by including any they tweeted the day before. Because we are nothing if not a democracy. ("We" being Huffington Post UK Comedy, of course, not Great Britain which, as we all know, is a constitutional monarchy.)
But we digress. On with our favourite jokes (so far) today. And yes, some of them are about Hugh Grant.
"Monday morning. The clouds hang heavy over the nation like a bad metaphor that doesn't really go anywhere." - @its_death
"Welcome to Week 47! My god, I love Week 47." - @rhodri
"I wasn't allowed backstage at the REM gig. I guess I'm not Michael's type." - @jacques_aih
"Every time I fight for the right to party, I wonder if my grandchildren will ever even know about the sacrifices I made for them." - @sixthformpoet
"Imagine if the Marquess of Cholmondley (sp?) had invented the sandwich. Narrow escape there." - @Shequeen
"I met my wife on an on-line dating site for golfers. We found we both just clicked on links." - @MooseAllain
"Stressed? Try this: Picture a lake at dawn. Ducks beginning to stir... Then drink 22 beers & drive your car into a church." - @robdelaney
"I used to be a stuntman. I was very good at it, some days I was on fire." - @TonyCowards
"Surely blades of grass should cut themselves?" - @Vivienneclore
"The BBC website boasts of a new front page - based in Salford." - @MJowen174
If you spot a joke you think we should include, or know of a funny Tweeter we should be following, please tweet it/them my way at @jazzchantoozie. As I said to my boyfriend just the other night: if it makes me laugh, it's in.