Twitter Jokes Of The Day: Monday 28 November 2011

28/11/2011 16:26 | Updated 28 November 2011
  • Andrea Mann Writer of sentences like this one. Also, occasionally, longer ones. But not this time.

It's week two! Of the funniest tweets of the day! So far!

Today's honorable mention goes to comedian @AlexHorne, whose #twitadventure saw him following other tweeter's instructions as to what to do with his day. Well, with his morning. As he pointed out: he's not an idiot.

And congratulations to the joke machine that is @sixthformpoet, who scores not one but TWO jokes in today's line-up of delightful one-liners. No wonder he's been nominated for Funniest Citizen Tweeter in The Poke awards (you can vote for him - or half a dozen other talented people - here).

"The secret oTIMING!f comedy is" - @1755Dictionary

"Does anyone have the postcode for the Gettysburg address?" - @Your_Gran

"+. That's a positive sign." - @_L_M_C_

"MUSIC FACT: The Beastie Boys are such close friends, if one of them went to prison, the other two would finish his sentence for him." - @sixthformpoet

"I see dead posh people." - @TruthSandwich

"#SCORPIO: Nothing. A black void. Empty space. These are just some of the ways you will be described today." - @Horrorsc0pes

"Now that Roger Moore is in his 80's, he's entitled to free travel on the Octobussy." - @ChrisTwidale

"I took my wife down a peg or two this morning. She was putting the washing on the line & I saw she was running low. Thoughtful." - @NickMotown

"As a child I never had an imaginary friend but I did have cotton wool buds." - @TonyCowards

"If your partner is faking orgasms, you must immediately report them to the government for fraudulently claiming benefits." - @thewritertype

"I wonder if the person who coined the term 'bandwagon' got really annoyed when everyone else started using it." - @MrMichaelSpicer

"A frog in the throat can be uncomfortable, but not as bad as a toad in the hole." - @jacques_aih

"This tweet is for all the pedants. Your welcome." - @IHPower

"A Freudian Slip is when you say one thing, but mean amother." - @sixthformpoet

"I don't believe in reincarnation, but I did in a previous life." - @Gary_Bainbridge