It's week two! Of the funniest tweets of the day! So far!
Today's honorable mention goes to comedian @AlexHorne, whose #twitadventure saw him following other tweeter's instructions as to what to do with his day. Well, with his morning. As he pointed out: he's not an idiot.
And congratulations to the joke machine that is @sixthformpoet, who scores not one but TWO jokes in today's line-up of delightful one-liners. No wonder he's been nominated for Funniest Citizen Tweeter in The Poke awards (you can vote for him - or half a dozen other talented people - here).
"The secret oTIMING!f comedy is" - @1755Dictionary
"Does anyone have the postcode for the Gettysburg address?" - @Your_Gran
"+. That's a positive sign." - @_L_M_C_
"MUSIC FACT: The Beastie Boys are such close friends, if one of them went to prison, the other two would finish his sentence for him." - @sixthformpoet
"I see dead posh people." - @TruthSandwich
"#SCORPIO: Nothing. A black void. Empty space. These are just some of the ways you will be described today." - @Horrorsc0pes
"Now that Roger Moore is in his 80's, he's entitled to free travel on the Octobussy." - @ChrisTwidale
"I took my wife down a peg or two this morning. She was putting the washing on the line & I saw she was running low. Thoughtful." - @NickMotown
"As a child I never had an imaginary friend but I did have cotton wool buds." - @TonyCowards
"If your partner is faking orgasms, you must immediately report them to the government for fraudulently claiming benefits." - @thewritertype
"I wonder if the person who coined the term 'bandwagon' got really annoyed when everyone else started using it." - @MrMichaelSpicer
"A frog in the throat can be uncomfortable, but not as bad as a toad in the hole." - @jacques_aih
"This tweet is for all the pedants. Your welcome." - @IHPower
"A Freudian Slip is when you say one thing, but mean amother." - @sixthformpoet
"I don't believe in reincarnation, but I did in a previous life." - @Gary_BainbridgeSuggest a correction