A staycation - in THIS country, in THIS weather? Personally, I'd prefer an infestation. But sometimes it does seem more trouble than it's worth to get up at five in the morning in order to cruise for verrucas in pursuit of Abroad. However, I've found the perfect compromise - a halfwaycation. Go to Jersey!
Instead you have the Jersois, who have been written off for too long as a pack of lounge lizards evading tax in a sunny place for shady people, but who I find absolutely delightful. Despite the comparative lack of welfare provisions and the low taxation of the rich here, all the people we spent time with seemed extraordinarily sure of their good fortune in living on this small, gorgeous island. Loads of residents are from off the rock - my friend there is a Liverpuddlian who would never dream of leaving. 'I've tried to get away, I went all the way to Australia to get away - I was back within a year,' a taxi driver from Newcastle told me. 'This place is just too beautiful to leave for long.'
After all this yomping about, you're going to thoroughly deserve the solace of Jersey's totally lush bars and restaurants. As if you needed an excuse to slum it in this reassuringly expensive offshore Shangri-La, from the beginning of October to mid-November, the island will be celebrating its annual Tennerfest Food Festival, when over 170 of its gorgeous watering holes - such as the world-class Salty Dog in St Aubins - serve up banquets for £10. For the lazy and greedy among us, of which I am more than happy to number myself, another channel (half) hop may well be in order.