You Know You're A Dad When...

17/01/2012 15:54 | Updated 22 May 2015
You know you're a dad when...NEEDS EDITINGGetty

1. You swap football for flatpacks. Out go weekends watching sport. In come endless hours trying to fit the child car seat, assemble that flatpack cot and putting the buggy bits together.

2. You buy more pints of milk than beer. Trips to the supermarket don't involve stocking up on six packs any more but comparing prices for baby wipes, stocking up on infant Calpol and buying something called nappy sacks!

3. You know all the words to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Singing the latest chart hits in the shower is a distant memory. Now you're more likely to be belting out ditties like Baa Baa Black Sheep.

4. You start driving like your grandmother. That sporty new car is traded in for a comfy vehicle that looks like it would handle any crash and you find yourself tutting at people who go too fast. To make up for it you drive your child's buggy like a maniac instead.

5. You cry at a moment's notice. Gone is that stiff upper lip. You'll start gushing at almost anything from a weepy movie to when your child first says the word Daddy.

6. You dress like a tramp. That hangover is no longer the reason you're covered in sick. Your clothes have gone from smart to snot covered and you find yourself wearing pyjamas while trying to buy nappies at a garage in the middle of the night.

7. What used to disgust you is now cute. How else would dads put up with getting wee in the eye or being rather proud of the sheer size of the child's poo. After all it must mean they're eating well!

You know you're a dad when...NEEDS EDITINGGetty

8. Your drink less – but your belly gets bigger. You may be running around after your kid, but eating up all those baby leftovers is taking its toll on your tummy. Never mind, you've got biceps to die for from all that baby lifting.

9. You go a bit mad. Sleep deprivation makes you talk nonsense to your work colleagues and, despite telling mum you can cope when she has an evening off, you mistakenly wash the baby in fairy liquid.

10. You internet habits change. These days internet habits aren't about booking tickets for gigs or downloading movies – they're all about finding out whether your child has chicken pox and if that rash could be meningitis.

11. ...and so does your pub banter. Gone are those crude jokes in the pub – now, on those rare nights out, you and your mates boast about how your tricks to get the little one to eat their greens and which kids TV show is best.

You know you're a dad when...NEEDS EDITINGGetty

12. You swap gadget stores for toy shops. Having a child means you can finally enjoy playing with all those boyhood toys again.

13. You'll photograph anything your child does. Before, you took lots of snaps of your partner, now you're phone wallpaper is more likely to be a blurred shot of your child with food round its mouth.

14. Your credit card is in meltdown. Now your monthly bill is more likely to list children's clothes and shoes, sterilizers, bottles, cots, growbags, and high chairs rather than romantic meals out and holiday flights.

15. You spend a lot of time being silly. You used to reckon yourself on the dancefloor at the local club. Now you're doing David Brent style moves to nursery rhymes in the sitting room.

Do any of these remind you of life with your little ones? We'd love to hear about your dad duties below, and if you fancy a giggle, check out these pictures of the ultimate embarrassing dad, lovely Dale, who dresses up every day to wave his son off to school. Can you top that?


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