Charlie Sheen has Tiger blood, but Manchester City fans claim to have "Yaya blood", after Toure scored another seminal goal in their history on Sunday. Alas the Ivory Coast international has indicated he wants to return to Barcelona.
Toure joined City from Catalonia in 2010 on a £250,000-a-week contract (wipe your eyes), but the Daily Express are just one of various papers to run quotes stemming from the box-to-box midfielder hankering to switch back to the Blaugrana.
"I would love to return to Barcelona and finish my career there," said the 29-year-old colossus.
Maybe to stress he isn't, like some of their newbie fanbase, a glory-hunter, City owner Sheikh Mansour is not expected to be at Etihad Stadium on Sunday to watch the club (probably) win the Premier League against Queens Park Rangers, say The Guardian.
Juventus, fresh from winning the Scudetto at the weekend, are looking to capitalise on their success-and-stability by luring Arsenal striker Robin van Persie to Italy.
The Guardian again report Giuseppe Marotta, Juve's general director, telling Italian website calciomercato.com: "Van Persie is a great player. He is a complete player and would be useful to any team. But he still has one year left on his contract with Arsenal. We will try to put the icing on the cake this summer but the important thing is that the mix is good."
Eloquently Italian in his language, there. Arsenal's Champions League participation is still in doubt as they travel to West Brom on Sunday, and their destiny will probably lend a clearer indication to the 28-year-old Dutchman's future.
On to Frenchman, and Patrice Evra's dismal form for Manchester United the past two seasons may prompt his bubble of security to finally burst. The Daily Mirror claim Sir Alex Ferguson has identified Everton left-back Leighton Baines as the heir apparent to the France international.
Baines is under contract for three more years, meaning an eight-figure sum will probably be required to prise him from Goodison Park.
Undermined by John "Manager" Terry as far back as the round-of-16 tie against Napoli, Roberto di Matteo doesn't sound too convinced he will be appointed Chelsea manager on a full-time basis.
The Sun's exclusive stems from a "senior Chelsea source", but with Roman Abramovich approaching Pep Guardiola and Jose Mourinho, as well as monitoring Joachim Low and Laurent Blanc, the interim Italian seems to be way down the pecking order.
Stamford Bridge may also be bidding farewell to Didier Drogba. The Mirror claim the striker's demands have fallen on "deaf ears" and he will be allowed to leave on a free in the summer. If you can stump up the wages...
"Look at me!" says Andy Carroll non-verbatim, as he speaks of his hopes at earning an England squad berth at Euro 2012 after some recent and belated good form for Liverpool in The Daily Telegraph.
Paul Robinson is considering whether he should hang around at relegated Blackburn, with Sam Allardyce ready to raid his former club for their number one 'keeper, say both Mirror and Sun.
And Sky Sports pundit and one-time Rangers manager Graeme Souness has been earmarked for a surprise Ibrox return by two separate groups trying to buy the Gers, report The Daily Mail.