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Premier League And Football's End Of Season Awards: An Alternative List (VIDEO)

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PREMIERE LEAGUE
The good, the bad and the ugly | PA/Getty

Football, bloody hell. Sergio Aguero's right foot, Eastlands outdoing the Hacienda and the look on Sir Alex Ferguson and Phil Jones' faces as it dawned on them Manchester City had won the Premier League only led weight to the pandemonium on Sunday 13 May.

The Premier League got better because it got worse this season. In the big games, defending was as absent as Joey Barton's brain cells.

But football is more about goals, and 2011/12 was the season of hipsters, racism, Gary Neville and Twitter outrage.

We now dissect who was Clint Eastwood, who was Lee van Cleef and who was Eli Wallach. You've seen The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, right?

BRAND OF THE YEAR
Tom Cleverley. Not even into double-figures in terms of appearances for Manchester United, he set up his own website.

MONEY EQUALS HAPPINESS
Yaya Toure earns £250,000 per week. He scored Manchester City's FA Cup semi-final and final winners last season and the Premier League clincher the following campaign.

BEST SOLO GOAL
Hatem Ben Arfa v Bolton.

HIPSTERS' CHOICE OF THE SEASON 1
Napoli.

INEXCUSABLE EXCUSE
Tottenham's drop in form was down to Harry Redknapp being made favourite for the England role. Spurs invariably use frivolous excuses for capitulations, and this was another one.

OVERKILL CHANT OF THE SEASON
Anything to Sloop John B. Plastic drivel.

FREE-KICK OF THE SEASON
Leighton Baines v Swansea.

WORST BBC COMMENTATOR
Jonathan Pearce.

TEN YEARS OLDER
Steve Bruce.
bruce

TIZIANO CRUDELI'S BEST MOMENT
BOA! BOA! BOA! TENG! TENG! TENG!

ALAN PARTRIDGE MOMENT
Gary Neville on Fernando Torres' Camp Nou Equaliser.

HIPSTERS' CHOICE OF THE SEASON 2
Athletic Club Bilbao.

BEST PLAYER WITHOUT A MEDAL
Robin van Persie.

WORST PLAYER WITH A MEDAL
Charlie Adam.

WORST SKY COMMENTATOR
Alan Parry.

WORST IMAGE CONSULTANT
Piers Morgan. Arsenal’s support has a reputation for being rather mild-mannered and soft, yet the ex-Mirror editor gleefully prolongs his #goonerpower trend quest.

VOLLEY OF THE SEASON
Peter Crouch v Manchester City.

ENGLISH DIVER AWARD
Andy Carroll against Newcastle.

WORST INDIVIDUAL PERFORMANCE AWARD
John Terry v Liverpool.

LITERALLY USELESS
Jamie Redknapp.

HIPSTERS' CHOICE OF THE SEASON 3
Newcastle United.

WORST ITV COMMENTATOR
Peter Drury.

CLANGER OF THE SEASON
Martin Atkinson, Chelsea-Tottenham FA Cup semi-final.

FOOTBALL"S GRIM REAPER
Geoff Shreeves.

NON-PLAYER OF THE YEAR
Ji-Sung Park. His work rate is second to none because his first touch is second to everyone.

TEN YEARS YOUNGER
Barry Bannan.
bannan

HALFWAY-POINT SIGNING OF THE SEASON
Papiss Cisse. For this, this and this.

HELEN LOVEJOY AWARD
The Twitteratti.

TEAM GOAL OF THE SEASON
Manchester United's equaliser against Manchester City in the Community Shield.

BEST INDIVIDUAL PERFORMANCE AWARD
Luis Suarez v Norwich City at Carrow Road.

WORST REFEREE
Martin Atkinson.

GAME OF THE SEASON
INTER MILAN 4-2 AC MILAN

BIGGEST FLOP
Stewart Downing. Tim Howard has more Premier League goals and assists.

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