"The people of the Earth sailed into the mouth of the Thames, a place of mud, illiteracy and embarrassing diseases ," Boris Johnson declares as London welcomes the world to the Olympics
Or at least he does if you cleverly edit together clips of the Mayor from his past television appearances.
With just three days to go until the opening ceremony, Boris warns Londoners: "Something nasty is going to happen to you, welcome to the so called 'Games'".
He adds: "The esential point of the Games was to provide propaganda. A way of saying to everybody in the world, look get some burgers or else you get eaten by bears."
The YouTube video has been put together by Cassetteboy, a double act who "edit footage they’ve nicked off the telly to make celebrities swear".
Of course at first glance it sounds exactly like the sort of thing Boris would actually say.