Now, here's something we can safely guarantee you didn't want to see today.

It's a series of pictures depicting what happened when a man showed up at A&E, having inserted an acupuncture needle into his penis while watching a porn video. (Apparently, it seemed like a good idea at the time.)

The man - from Guangzhou in China's Guangdong province - initially bowled up to hospital complaining of severe stomach pains. But when doctors examined him, they found the long thin needle in his bladder...

On closer questioning, the man admitted putting the needle there for 'fun' - but had clearly started to think better of it once the agonising pain started. (It's always the way, isn't it?)

Doctors had to perform surgery to remove the offending item - but still found time to pose for a group photo, which we're sure the patient was really chuffed about...

And now, let's get a closer look at that needle...

The moral of this sad and sorry tale? Don't stick needles in your penis. You can file this alongside: 'don't stick Lego up your nose', 'don't moon on top of a bus shelter', and 'don't shoot a firework out of your bottom'.