And no, Michael Owen didn't show up as a surprise guest of Jim White's.

Thank God.

He is set to sign for Stoke on a permanent deal from Blackburn. Fee believed to be around £3m.

Signed on a two-year deal from Marseille, he becomes the Rs' 12th signing of the summer. Have they had enough now?

Looks chuffed and can't stop smiling. Belgian players have had a good start in the Premier League this season and Villa fans will be hoping Benteke, who scored the last time he played for the national team, can hit the ground running in two weeks' time. The £7m man spoke very well to SSN's Pete Colley.

Cue a slew of idiot abroad jokes. Seriously though, it will be interesting to see how Barton, who turns 30 on Sunday, will fare in Ligue 1. Marseille aren't in the Champions League this season (Montpellier, Lille and PSG occupy those berths) but he will play Europa League football with the 1993 European Cup winners.

English football's most successful players in France are of course Glenn Hoddle and Chris Waddle. Hoddle won the league and French Cup during four years with Monaco between 1987 and 1991 while Waddle won three titles and was a European Cup finalist with Marseille.

Now joining West Ham United on a season-long loan apparently.

Signing number 12 looks set to be confirmed...

Good news all round for City.

Matija Nastasic completes his move to Manchester City from Fiorentina.

He's arrived at Spurs Lodge. He may not be stranded after all...

For your viewing pleasure

Hugo Lloris joins Tottenham. An excellent buy, he will nevertheless have to wait two weeks to make his debut for the club away at Reading.

No updates on the non-footballing footballer, unsurprisingly.

The club's managing director Ian Ayre has left Melwood along with LFC officials. Sturridge is definitely off and it appears Dempsey is too, so the Reds will likely be over-reliant on Luis Suárez again for a second successive season.

Liverpool bid less for the American than Aston Villa. The Reds also offered Jordan Henderson AND Charlie Adam as makeweights but that didn't wash either, so Fulham's top scorer last season may well have to rebuild those bridges he demolished.

And it was another beauty

Aston Villa look set to get him. Seems to have passed his medical and just awaiting confirmation. A rare ray of light shining upon Villa Park.

Atletico Madrid 1-0 Chelsea, courtesy of Radamel Falcao. It was a gorgeous goal, too.

What a dream team in the SSN studio. Oh, Jim White's here by the way, along with Natalie Sawyer. They're colour co-ordinating with a yellow tie and dress. You decide who's wearing what.

They are the third club, although Liverpool have had a bid rejected by Fulham, according to reports.