David Cameron was completely off his face when he made his Cabinet reshuffle decisions, Downing Street insiders have revealed.
"He hired a Health Secretary who believes in homeopathy and an Environment Secretary who doesn't believe in climate change," said one. "He had to be totally pissed. It's the only explanation."
It's claimed that the Prime Minister knocked back 10 bottles of Cabernet Sauvignon during his 'parliamentary session' - before moving onto hard liquor. "Grant Shapps was only appointed Tory Party Chairman because Cameron asked for 'more Schnapps'," said one aide. "It's a drunken misunderstanding gone horribly wrong."
Cameron's bender ended with him crying on George Osborne, telling him "You're my best mate, you are" - before finally violently lurching to the right.