After the revelation that 50 Shades Of Grey author EL James was inspired by a "sexy" Will.i.am song, we got thinking. What if all bestsellers were directly affected by the music they were written to?
What if, we pondered, (quite possibly in a lab coat) EL James' success could be recreated by putting pen to paper to a playlist fuelled by tracks similar to Will.i.am's Sexy?
Well we thought we'd find out. Or speculate at least, compiling the sexiest tracks we thought could also inspire more stratospherically successful kinky fan fiction.
What do you think? Are more bestsellers destined? Check out our gallery of videos (and the reasons why we picked them) below and let us know!
You Sexy Thing, Hot Chocolate
That jivey beat, those complementary lyrics. This is powerful fiction-creating stuff. Unless, of course you realise that he's singing at the same time as somebody is "making love to [him]", according to the lyrics. Maybe we're feeling adventurous, but we're thinking bed-based sung narration of coitus may just be perfect for a rather more operatic form of Mummy Porn.
I Want Your Sex - George Michael
George Michael promises a picture of a loving, passionate relationship here. There is, we hear, nothing to hide, and you "won't tell us no lies." While pedantic about the double negative, we can't help but feel Michael would be a good bouffanted hero for a more rakish, 80s kind of Mummy Porn novel. Plus look at all that naked water splashing, that looks like a fun plot device!
Oh My Gosh, Basement Jaxx
We think a novel drafted to this track would have good generation-crossing potential. Much like Joe McElderry, grannies and young'uns have something to enjoy here: the discussion of tea, the polite expression of romantic excitement, the jaunty beat and 'street' lyrics. Well done, Basement Jaxx.
Bump N' Grind - R. Kelly
Or, as some may say, The Classic. If you're stuck for inspiration when embarking upon your huge kinky book advance, this really has it all. If you're really stuck, we daresay you could take whole sections of the lyrics as dialogue - at least that little drama bit at the beginning anyway.
More Than Words, Extreme
This may seem an unusual choice, seeing as the song deconstructs the notion of physical love as one without verbal expression, ie, words. And presumably your novel would include words. However, the artsy rock n' roll aesthetic, the prolonged guitar shots, and the thought of thousands of rock fans getting it on should be inspiring enough, no?
Do What You Like, Take That
Oh hi there, early days of Take That! We accept that the lyrics of this track may not be particularly helpful to the creative process of a prospective E.L. James, them being hugely repetitive and frankly nonsensical. The video, however, is a different matter. Food! Massages! Excited expressions! Leather! Surely the perfect muse.
I Feel Love, Donna Summer
Technically, we think this needs no further comment or explanation Summer's epic tribute to erotic wailing truly is one of the sexiest songs of all time. Bearing this in mind, perhaps your Mummy Porn will be the sexiest of all unlikely fan fiction successes if written to it?
I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing, Aerosmith
First thing to note: don't use Steven Tyler's face in this as inspiration. Unless you're rehashing the Byronic male. In which case, it's still a little inadvisable. Ditto the fact that he's technically serenading his daughter's romantic encounters. Awkward. Instead, woah - he can't even sleep. That's some good loving there.
I'm A Slave 4 U, Britney Spears
Oh Britney. Britney, muse of so many. Well, at the point of producing this sweat-filled wonder anyway. Remember the hysteria created when Slave '4' U came out? The doubts cast on her 'virginity'? If the Coming Of Age trope were to be a highly sexualised19-year-old, touching herself in a moshpit, we reckon it would be Britney.
Getting jiggy with it, Will Smith
There are few people who could pull off metallic-sheen velour blazers, rhythmic grunts and nouveau-disco. Will Smith is one of those rare few. We'd like to point out the incongruous Egyptian phase of the video - historical fiction is far more exciting with some rumpy pumpy, FYI.