Ed Miliband gives his keynote address to the Labour Party conference today, so what better time to wildly speculate about who could replace him as leader (even though there is not really a whiff of a coup in the Manchester air).

See below for our totally serious look at the Top Ten contenders for the job:

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  • Ed Balls

    <strong>Current Job: </strong>'Muttering idiot' <strong>Pro: </strong>Economic heavyweight. <strong>Con:</strong> If you have to declare: "I'm not a bitch" it's because some people think you are.

  • Alastair Campbell

    <strong>Current Job: </strong> Reportedly looking to become an MP <strong>Pro:</strong> Supreme communicator <strong>Con: </strong>Some may find his dossier a bit dodgy

  • Tom Watson

    <strong>Current Job:</strong> Giving Murdoch a slap <strong>Pro:</strong> Seen to lead the charge against phone hacking at News International <strong>Con:</strong> News International papers may not like him too much

  • Will Staw

    <strong>Current Job:</strong> Director at IPPR, being Jack Straw's son <strong>Pro:</strong> Seen as thoughtful and intelligent <strong>Con:</strong> Needs to get into parliament sharpish

  • Tony Blair

    <strong>Current Job:</strong> Striding the globe like a god amongst men <strong>Pro: </strong> It's like riding a bike <strong>Con:</strong> 'B-LIAR' etc. Etc. Etc.

  • Yvette Cooper

    <strong>Current Job:</strong> Being next in line <strong>Pro: </strong>Topped shadow cabinet poll among Labour MPs <strong>Con:</strong> Oh Balls. What would Ed do?

  • Stella Creasy

    <strong>Current Job: </strong>Scourge of pay-day loan companies <strong>Pro:</strong> Has an admirer in David Cameron <strong>Con:</strong> Has an admirer in David Cameron

  • Chuka Umunna

    <strong>Current Job:</strong> 'Britain's Obama' <strong>Pro:</strong> Eloquent, ambitious and good looking <strong>Con: </strong> Too close to Ed Miliband?

  • Rachel Reeves

    <strong>Current Job: </strong> The definition of 'Rising Star' <strong>Pro:</strong> Economics guru <strong>Con:</strong> Stars have a long way to fall down to Earth, or, something like that.

  • David Miliband

    Current Job: Giving his full support to his brother Pro: Many in he party think he should be leader now Con: Oh god what if he lost a second time?