Ever been asked for an angry pirate, perturbed by the pasty smasher, or wondered whether "Welsh people have to shag sheep"?
If so, then you should probably pay a visit to the NHS' new website Respect Yourself. Considering you're paying for it, you may as well.
The site, which has been rolled out across Coventry and Warwickshire to educate young people about sex, has made waves in the local community.
Written "for young people, by young people" Respect Yourself features The Sextionary (see below), expert tips and a Frequently Asked Questions section. It claims to "help you understand your body a bit better, and the body of someone who's got different dangly bits than you!"
The questions in the FAQ department range from the sensible to seriously worrying, such as:
Q: "Does anyone else's penis let out tomato sauce during sex?"
A: "No it is only you – Ronald McDonald. We have spoken to our experts and we believe that this is a dramatic side effect of eating too much fast food."
Another young person asks: "Do Welsh people have to shag sheep?", while one poses the question: "If you do a girl up the bum and she farts will you die?" (The answer's no, in case you've ever wondered...)
Concerned youngsters are reassured they won't grow hair on their hands if they masturbate too much and neither will they "pop a testicle" if they have sex too hard - although experts advise to "look after your little money bag".
The mystery around the phrase "blow job" is also cleared up, with the website explaining: "Ridiculously, it doesn’t involve blowing (a willy is not a musical instrument!)." Quite.
The campaign manager for Respect Yourself, which was developed by the NHS, Warwickshire County Council and Coventry University, has defended the site against accusations it uses "foul language".
Amy Danahay says: "We have completed the young people's wish list. They asked for the sextionary, pleasure zones and the opportunity to ask questions and have them answered honestly."
The Family Education Trust, however, is far from happy.
"This is a grossly irresponsible website and a complete misuse of taxpayers’ hard-earned cash," blasts Norman Wells, spokesman for the charity. "Many of the topics covered are totally unnecessary and positively unhelpful.
"Parents will be appalled that health professionals have supported the development of a resource that condones sexual experimentation by young people and uses crude and sometimes even foul language."
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