Tuesday marks a year since the death of Wales football manager Gary Speed.
Speed was found hanged at his home in Cheshire last November. Shortly after, rumours began to emerge as to the reasons behind the former footballer's apparent suicide.
Speed's father Roger told the BBC: "We still don't believe, we're still wondering why; he had the world at his feet, it's been a hell of a 12 months.
Gary Speed with his wife Louise
"I never want to go through it again in my life if I can help it. Carol [Speed's mother] has really, really struggled. She's just started having a couple of games of golf a week and a bit of shopping with her mates but she doesn't want to get up in morning and she goes to bed early at night."
Wales boss Chris Coleman is expected to pay tribute to the 42-year-old today.
In January, a coroner ruled that Speed, a former Leeds United, Everton, Newcastle United, Bolton Wanderers and Sheffield United midfielder, who won 65 caps for Wales, may have killed himself accidentally.
In a narrative verdict, Cheshire coroner Nicholas Rheinberg gave the cause of death as hanging but qualified that by saying: "The evidence does not sufficiently determine whether this was intentional or accidental".
During the inquest, Speed’s widow Louise had offered emotional testimony, revealing that her husband had sent her a text days before he died in which he "talked in terms of taking his life".
She also revealed that there was "some degree of stress" on their relationship.
In a poignant interview given shortly before his death, Speed described his wife and children as the thing he "cherished the most".
The father-of-two said his family meant "everything" to him, and was more important than any medal he had won during his lengthy career.
In the interview with FourFourTwo magazine, Speed said: "The item I cherish the most isn't material. I don't even know where my Leeds championship medal is. So I'd say family: we're an item and they mean everything to me."
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