The Leveson report has finally been released, all 2,000 inscrutable pages recommending greater transparency of the media.

The announcement was marked by furious tweeting, competitive commentary and frantic journalists struggling to report the report on the guardian of guardians.

Indeed, amid furrowed brows, homilies over freedom of speech and general confused outrage, it was difficult to determine what the key findings actually were.

Catlin Moran was the first to break the news that Leveson had recommended "No more features on Gangnam style, abolition of the phrase 'wine o'clock', more pictures of cats."


Caitlin Moran
Leveson recommends "No more features on Gangnam style, abolition of the phrase 'wine o'clock', more pictures of cats."

Another Twitter user suggested a ban on any headlines involving 'fifty shades', stating she had been particularly traumatised by one which used the book title to create a spin off named Fifty Shades Of Gove. We hear you sister.


Faye Barker
They should throw a ban on refs to "Fifty shades" too,especially in context of politicians. "Fifty shades of Gove" was vile ;)

Writer and comedian Matt Leys managed to quickly skim the voluminous report to inform his Twitter followers that Lord Justice Leveson had recommended having a big crossword as a front page, a free advert calendar for every reader and that all newspapers be printed with floral borders.

Leveson also apparently recommended soup recipes, no more pictures of heads and a pull out lumberjack supplement. What a newspaper that would be,


Matt Leys
LEVESON RECOMMENDATIONS. 1. NO MORE PICTURES OF HEADS

Amid the climate of sombre omphaloskepsis, lighter opinions on the Leveson proceedings peppered social networks.


Frankie McGinty
I wish I had a cool first name like Justice.


Simon Blackwell
Last line of Leveson report: "And I've never really understood Doonesbury."

Indeed the collison of Leveson with the beginning of the festive season gave rise to the cheery hashtag #Levesoncarols.


Rabbi Pete Tobias
Jingle bells, kiss and tells, what does Leveson say? 'It's not so great to regulate' - so we'll still have our way...


Ben Everitt
I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus, but was unable to publish this information due to regressive and statist privacy laws


Peter Jukes
Once in David's Chipping Norton, stood a lowly riding shed

A quick search provided social media users with some welcome joviality as, printers chuntering, they waited for all 2000 pages of the Leveson report to print.

Indeed some poor journalist at the Times gave up on ever getting his hands on a hard copy.

leveson

Printer probably ran out of ink

One Twitter user looked on the bright side of the proceedings. At least Hugh Grant could go back to obscurity.


Liz Buckley
I think the main success is that Hugh Grant can go back to obscurity

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