Top Five Current Coalition Bust-Ups From Leveson To Wind Farms

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NICK CLEGG FOUR WAY SPLIT
PA

Political punch-ups, ministerial maulings, cabinet combat, parliamentary pugnaciousness, commons clashes, everywhere you look in the Commons it seems there's a Lib Dem scrapping with a Tory.

The coalition is looking increasingly fractious of late with the snoopers charter and the Leveson findings setting the angry agenda for this week.

A seat in the centre of the country's foremost decision-making institution does not necessarily mean that you are above the odd bruising, although these do tend to be verbal.

Unless you're Eric Joyce.

Here is a summary of the week ahead as well as a look at some finer moments in the often turbulent House of Commons from this year.

may and clegg

Clegg Vs. May
Venue: Snooper's Charter Stadium
Winner: Still Ongoing
Knockout Move: A very, very sneaky right hook

Theresa May's planned legislation to allow the security services to monitor emails, web visits and social networking sites has met stiff resistance from Nick Clegg.

Clegg is getting his satin shorts in a twist and has distanced the Lib Dems from the Communications Data Bill and is set to veto it.

May has hit back and told the Sun: "People who say they are against this bill need to look victims of serious crime, terrorism and child sex offences in the eye and tell them why they're not prepared to give the police the powers they need to protect the public."

Ouch, who would have thought that Clegg had Al Capone, Bin Laden and Jimmy Savile fighting his corner.

nick clegg four way split

Clegg Vs. Cameron
Venue: Press Regulation Park
Winner: Still Ongoing
Knockout Move: Statutory Sucker Punch

The Leveson report recommending independent self regulation of the press underpinned by law has split the Cameron-Clegg tag team, aka The Legion of Gloom.

Cameron is for but Clegg is against. A House of Commons debate on Monday should indicate a winner.

vince cable and gove

Cable Vs. Gove
Venue: Faith School Fairway
Winner: Gove
Knockout Move: Holy Haymaker

Michael Gove undermined a coalition deal on faith school intake and incurred the wispy haired wrath of business secretary, Vince Cable.

Cable was furious that Gove had given the go-ahead to allow two new faith schools to restrict 90% of their intake to Catholic students.

Cable made the rookie boxing error of sending a strongly worded e-mail instead of lamping him.

davey and john hayes

Davey Vs. Hayes
Venue: The Wind Farm
Winner: Davey
Knockout Move: Windmill

Energy secretary Ed Davey gave his minister, John Hayes, a thorough spanking over wind farms.

Hayes said: "We can no longer have wind turbines imposed on communities. I can't single-handedly build a new Jerusalem but I can protect our green and pleasant land."

Davey was having none of it insisting there had been "no change to government policy".

Davey even went so far as to seek legal advice over how he could strip John Hayes of his ministerial power.

Hayes wasn't available for comment today as he is still reconstructing his jaw.

clegg and osborne

Clegg Vs Osborne
Venue: Millionaire Mansion Row
Winner: Osborne
Knockout Move: Mansion Mauler

What follows is a (fictional) transcript of the fight:

Clegg: "There will be a mansion tax."

Commentator: "Ooh, Clegg failed to land that blow but he is insistent on landing a hit! Osborne looks non-plussed."

Clegg: "THERE WILL BE A MANSION TAX!!!"

Commentator: "O. M G. Clegg was a bout four feet wide with that hook. Osborne hasn't even moved!!! He just seems to be soaking up the support of Boris Johnson who is screaming him on from the ringside."

Clegg: "IF THERE IS NO MANSION TAX I AM LEAVING THIS FIGHT!!!"

Commentator: "This is embarrassing. Osborne is stood stock still but Clegg just can't seem to hit him! WAIT! It looks like Osborne is gearing up for a decisive move!"

Osborne: "There's not going to be a mansion tax. We made that clear."

Commentator: "BOOM!!! Clegg is KO'd! And what's more, that last bit wasn't made up!"

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