So David Beckham is leaving our shores once again - this time for the quite literally glittering* lights of Paris.

And it's a move that strikes us as a pretty sensible one. Because while Becks and his family might have fitted in well with America's love of sports, showbiz and people being celebrated for no particular reason, we think France will suit David even more. Mainly because he already acts like a Frenchman...

Loading Slideshow...
  • He's sexy

    In the tradition of famous Frenchmen like Serge Gainsbourg, Jean DuJardin and Pepe Le Pew, Beckham is CHAUD.

  • He can't speak English very well

    Just like the French.

  • His wife is thin, and loves going to fashion shows

    C'est un double whammy!

  • He is effeminate cares about fashion

    Nothing says 'French' like a casual scarf.

  • He is effeminate can express his emotions

    Mind you, we all cried during the 2006 World Cup quarter-final.

  • He's good in bed

    Fact: David Beckham has had sex at least four times.

  • He's a ladies man

    As in: the ladies love him.

  • He gets sweaty...

    ...and therefore smelly, and therefore French.

  • He looks like one of the Three Musketeers

    All for beards, and beards for all!

  • His wife looks like Inspector Clouseau

    Here she is leaving her hotel reum!

*We've seen the Eiffel Tower at night. Seriously. It's pretty impressive.