SPORT

Premier League 2012-13 End Of Season Awards: An Alternative List

20/05/2013 09:36 BST | Updated 20/05/2013 09:45 BST

After last season's stunning crescendo, the final day of the 2012-13 Barclays Premier League season, with Arsenal and Tottenham vying for fourth, was the most underwhelming since 2005-06 when, er, Arsenal and Tottenham were vying for fourth.

Yet it was another eventful campaign, as English football took itself too seriously to such a ludicrous extent that it invited frivolous organisations to be heard, racially abusing a player was seemingly less of a crime if you were English and white men in tuxedos took exception to a black man from Georgia saying "n****r". Had they not watched Die Hard with a Vengeance?

On the pitch, the Premier League got better as a result of getting worse, underlined by none of its teams' presence in the last eight of the Champions League. Manchester United's sweat-free route to the 2011 final and Chelsea's miracle-cum-fluke of 2012 merely masked a steady decline over the last four years.

But there is much to remember with fondness...

GAME OF THE SEASON

West Ham 2-3 Tottenham. There's something captivating about a night match, and the aforementioned fixture had previously produced two 4-3 belters in the Premier League era before Gareth Bale entered the pantheon of world-class players with his 90th minute winner.

BEST CHANT

Manchester City's Touré brothers tribute to 2 Unlimited's "There's No Limit" is simple yet so so effective.

NO MEA CULPA AWARD

Harry Redknapp. A man who had 25 games to keep Queens Park Rangers afloat literally blamed everyone but himself for their abject failure. By that logic, he deserves no credit for Portsmouth evading relegation in 2006.

VOLLEY OF THE SEASON AWARD

Robin van Persie versus Aston Villa.

WITH APOLOGIES TO...

Matthew Lowton.

BEST PLAYER WITHOUT A MEDAL

Luis Suárez.

suarez

FEEL-GOOD STORY OF THE SEASON

Bradford's passage to the League Cup final. A monumental achievement for a club in the fourth tier of English football, Bradford defeated three Premier League clubs en route to Wembley, where they were admittedly humiliated by a merciless Swansea City.

WORST PLAYER WITH A MEDAL

Antonio Valencia.

BEST HALF-VOLLEY

Cameron Jerome versus Southampton.

TIME, GENTLEMEN, PLEASE

John Motson and Jonathan Pearce.

BEST FREE-KICK

Leighton Baines versus Newcastle.

SAVE OF THE SEASON

David de Gea's subtle fingertip tipped Bryan Ruíz's shot on to the post.

HELEN LOVEJOY AWARD

Peter Herbert. It takes quite the rent-a-quote to defeat the sanctimonious grieve junkies that are the football's Twitteratti.

peter herbert

FEEL-GOOD STORY OF THE SEASON 2

Wigan's FA Cup win. The first side to be relegated in the same year as winning the cup, Wigan's evisceration of Everton in the quarter-finals was one of the most ruthless and swift attacking displays of the season while their final triumph against Manchester City was further proof of the FA Cup's resuscitation this year.

BEST PUNDIT WHO ISN'T GARY NEVILLE

Lee Dixon.

WORST PUNDIT

Michael Owen. Those of you with BT Broadband can hear him for free next season.

BRIAN WOOLNOUGH TWEETS AWARD

Henry Winter.

FREE TRANSFER OF THE SEASON

Mohamed Diamé.

DOESN'T PLAY ENOUGH

Hatem ben Arfa.

WORST BANNER

Spectacularly trumping Chelsea fans' dire-MS Word sentiments against Rafael Benítez is one Manchester United fan...

mufc banner

PRAT OF THE SEASON

The Swansea ball teen (he's 17-years-old). For time-wasting, feigning agony and an egregious haircut.

BEST BUY

Christian Benteke (£7 million). Aston Villa would have been relegated without their deadline day signing. Honourable mentions go to Michu (£2m) and Robin van Persie (£22m).

christian benteke

BEST CASE OF ACCIDENTAL PARTRIDGE

Peter Odemwingie. His transfer deadline day detour is the closest a footballer has come to stocking up on Toblerone and driving barefoot to Dundee.

peter odemwingie

WORST BUY

Ji-Sung Park.