Call us mad, but what Lindsay Lohan would really benefit from right now is a positive influence. Someone who's stable, wise and likes to stay firmly on the rails. Someone like Oprah, for example.
Sadly, the only person nominating themselves for the role of Lohan Guardian is Charlie Sheen: lover of porn, drugs and tantrums. Sorry, is that noise alarm bells?
Good ol' Chuck - who previously donated £66,000 to the Lindsay Tax Trouble Fund - said if she listens to him she can start to "win".
Speaking to The Sun, he claimed: "I have a kinship with somebody who clearly needs a mentor, whether she wants one or not.
"She can continue to hang out with her dress shredding club buddies, or turn to me for some advice from a guy who's been down the road as well as every other side trail on the journey."
So, we know what you're thinking: Sheen totally wants to make Lindsay his new girlfriend. Wrong!
The Anger Management star said: "I love her, I respect her, and I've never laid a finger on her that wasn't on film. How ya like me now, America?"
Come on Hollywood, Lindsay deserves a (real) mentor. Someone - not you, Charlie - save La Lohan!