The Only Way Is Essex: Joey Essex Becomes A Businessman!

11/07/2013 20:19 | Updated 22 May 2015

Recession schmcession! Joey Essex has opened a shop and it can only succeed if the latest instalment of TOWIE is anything to go by. Hurrah! says Will Gore

Even though the financial crisis is still full swing, there are a few small businesses bucking the downward trend and making a go of it. Remarkably, one of these success stories looks like it might be Joey Essex's Fusey.

Yes, you read that right. At a time when historic local newspapers, independent booksellers, and artisan butchers who have all served their respective communities for decades are going to the wall, Joey might just have found himself a formula for spinning polyester into gold with his new clothes shop.

towie joey with gift box

Who would have thought the boy with the mushroom cloud on his head would prove himself to be a business guru up there with the likes of Richard Branson, Theo Paphitis and Ian Beale? No one who watched the first half of last night's helping of Towie, that's for sure.

Joey's meticulous preparation for Fusey's launch day included him blowing up some inflatable ducks, going skate boarding with his mates and leaving his girlfriend/babysitter, Sam, to organise the opening party.

Yet despite this unorthodox approach, the shop's first day was a hit. Crowds thronged the streets desperate to get in and spend, spend, spend. Strangely, one small child had enough cash on him to buy £160-worth of clobber. His haul included a pair of baggy leopard print shorts, easily the most hideous sight in Towie since new boy Daniel showed off his armful of Michael Jackson tattoos.

Maybe I'm overestimating Joey's business acumen. Certainly one good day at the office doesn't a long-term success story make and there were a few worrying signs, most noticeably when Joey had to give a customer some change. It quickly became obvious that the simple act of counting is as complex to our hero as having to work out string theory. This might prove a bit of a problem going forward.

I'll also admit that my heart did sink a little when I caught sight of the aforementioned crowd of half-wits who had queued in the rain to get into Fusey. It was a depressing scene alright and a sure sign that the end of days is coming for our celebrity obsessed society.

What these Joey fans don't realise is that the time they've just wasted standing on an Essex pavement is now gone forever and they could have spent it doing something far more enriching. Like staring at a wall.


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