COMEDY

Bargain Craigslist Advert For Mattress Formerly Used By 'Lying Cheating Sociopath'

01/08/2013 09:15 BST | Updated 30/09/2013 10:12 BST

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The first stage of a breakup usually involves throwing away or at least hiding all those things that remind you of your significant other.

Out go the love notes, the teddies won at funfairs and the humorous Kiss Me Quick hat you bought on that weekend away in Brighton, as you gradually adjust to life in the single lane once more.

But one woman has gone even further - by listing the pricey Simmons Beautyrest mattress she once shared with her fiancé on Craigslist. (They usually retail at around £270.)

mattress

'Feels like you're sleeping on a fucking cloud'

The seller explains:

"The pain of my broken heart now means less back pain for you!

"...It's three years old, and feels like you're sleeping on a fucking cloud - even when you're unknowingly sleeping next to a lying cheater. In a bad relationship and have to lie next to the constant reminder that you didn't go to grad school so that you could move and get engaged? Then this is the bed for you, it will get you to fucking REM and for 6-8 hours every night you'll forget that you're sleeping next to a sociopath. There are no stains, and this thing hasn't seen action in a while.

"So here's the deal: $150 (£100) and it's yours. No catch. Get this fucking mattress out of my life."

We commend her aggressive selling tactics, after all no one wants to be, in the words of Bridget Jones: "spending their evening bursting into tears at the sight of the toothbrush mug" (or mattress).

She adds: "Not a deal-breaker, but it would help immensely if you looked like my ex as I would love to see an entitled, Ivy-League educated asshole struggle with this thing. But totally not necessary."

Quite simply, we love her style.

H/T to Jezebel for spying this.

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