Manchester United have still not signed anyone and with their first game of the season just nine days away, what's the best way to placate impatient supporters? Be linked with Cristiano Ronaldo. Again.
With Real Madrid busily negotiating a deal for Gareth Bale to arrive, Ronaldo is named as the man to walk the opposite way through the revolving Bernabéu doors. The Star boast of a WORLD EXCLUSIVE in a bid to add weight to their back page splash, as David Moyes aims to make the Portuguese his first signing.
Ronaldo's return would be a boost for the Premier League, suffering a steady six-year slump since, aptly, José Mourinho and Ronaldo left within two years. More pertinently, it would placate those United fans of the opinion Moyes couldn't attract a cold.
The caveat is Ronaldo is not a midfielder, and United are a month away from going a 12th consecutive transfer window without buying one.
On the topic of Bale, Tottenham want £105 million for the Welshman, say the Mirror, while the Star write that the 24-year-old does not feature in a list of Spurs players posted on a wall at their Enfield training ground. So he is definitely leaving.
The Metro report Tottenham are closing in on the £7m signing of Steaua Bucharest's Romanian defender Vlad Chiricheș, though. Headline writers are now hoping he impales someone.
Stultifying sagas are never-ending, so here's some Wayne Rooney waffle: he might stay at United, depending on the reaction from fans in next week's friendlies against AIK and Sevilla. A bedazzled Scandinavian contingent and thousands of kids on a rare outing to Old Trafford is certainly a reliable barometer, Wayne.
Fulham are confident of sealing a £5m deal for Aston Villa striker Darren Bent, who was supposedly left unimpressed by Joe Kinnear during a meeting over a possible move to Newcastle.
But the Geordies will continue their pursuit of French striker Loïc Rémy on loan from QPR, write the Guardian.