Former 'EastEnders' star Martine McCutcheon has revealed her seven-year battle with depression.
The actress, who was declared bankrupt in February, sensationally revealed she has collapsed 20 times, piled on 2st in weight and considered suicide after also suffering from chronic fatigue syndrome ME.
She revealed: “I would pray to God I wouldn’t wake up. I would just say, ‘Please, whatever this is, it is making me feel so bad, just let it kill me’".
The 37-year-old blames her depression on her abusive father and career burnout in her twenties, in an interview with The Sun.
She told the newspaper: "I’ve had the worst seven years ever. It’s just been one thing after another. I have not been in a nice place in my head, financially nor with my career.”
Martine was diagnosed with ME 18 months ago after collapsing many times.
She said: “On the days when I felt all right I’d try to do a million things. I felt manically high. My doctor gave Cipralex, an anti-depressant, and I took it until eight months ago. I was against pills at first but they helped massively.”
However, the star who is best known for playing Tiffany Mitchell in the BBC One soap and once had a number one hit with Perfect Moment in 1999, said she doesn't know what came first - the depression or ME.
Adding: "All I knew was life felt like hell every day."
Since leaving EastEnders in 1998, Martine won a Laurence Olivier Award for best actress in a musical for her performance as Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady in 2002.
In 2003, she appeared alongside Hugh Grant in Love, Actually, playing Grant's tea lady and love interest, Natalie.
And the actress also published her first novel in 2009, The Mistress, which featured on the bestsellers list.
Martine is not the first celebrity to speak out about their battle with depression. Stars such as Angelina Jolie, Channing Tatum, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Kylie Minogue have all spoken openly about it before.
For advice or help, or if you have been affected by suicide or depression, visit the Samaritans website.
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