20 Reasons Why You Should Be Glad You Don't Own A Flat

30/10/2013 17:22

Young people of London (and most of the rest of the UK)!

Are you stuck in rental oblivion? Would need to sell a vital organ or go on the game, just to get a deposit? Are your mates getting dollar from Daddy, or saying things like 'share to buy', 'off-plan', and 'help to buy scheme'?

Don't despair. You're better off without a mortgage. And here's why:

  • 1 You can talk about football in the pub, not house prices
    Look at how much fun these guys are having. I bet they aren't talking about mortgages.
  • 2 The Sunday newspaper property section makes an excellent lining for the cat litter tray, or scrunched up to dry your shoes
    This is what the cat thinks of BORING property sections
  • 3 Decorating is only as strenuous as blu-tacking an Athena poster to the wall and choosing some novelty fairy lights.
    Farrow and Ball? Get out.
  • 4 You can live in Camden, or Islington or Clapham with your mates, and you'd have to sell your kidney to buy there.
    You only need to sell half a kidney for the rent
  • 5 You don't have to weakly try to convince snobby friends that Barking really is gentrifying, honest.
  • 6 Got a job in Sydney? Fancy time teaching in Bali? Gonna go surf for a season in Rio? Then hand in a month's notice to your landlord and hit the road.
    OK, you probably don't actually ever do it. But it's nice to know you can.
  • 7 If the boiler breaks, you don't have to re-evaluate your life plan for the next decade to pay for repairs
  • 8 Ladders in your tights? Milk gone off? Shampoo dried up? Steal your flatmates' stuff.
  • 9 When your neighbour reveals a penchant for hanging around the back garden in his underwear or throwing dance parties at 11pm on a Sunday, you aren't stuck there for the next few years
  • 10 Yes, ok, if you want to move house, it's pretty galling to pay some jobsworth estate agent who thinks he's on the Apprentice £250 in "fees" to find you a new place to rent.
    But if you were buying, you'd probably end up spending £20k in various fees
  • 11 Sick of your housemate? Dumping your boyfriend? Then move out. No dramas.
  • 12 Debt collection agencies can't prove you where you live
    .. and if they can, just pretend you've moved out
  • 13 You absolutely couldn't care less about front pages like this
    Shut up, no one cares
  • 14 If the plumbing breaks, you don't have to fix it. You call the landlord
    (um, who also probably won't fix it..)
  • 15 Because your friends don't actually own their houses either. They just have a different landlord.
    Called the bank.
  • 16 You don't know what APR, DEA, EPC or DTII stand for. And you don't care.
  • 17 The French don't give a shit about buying a house. They rent all their lives. And look how cool they are.
  • 18 Meeting all the nutters on spare room websites, and the stories you can tell afterwards, is a life experience everyone should have
  • 19 Meeting people who become your very best pals on spare room websites is a life experience everyone should have
  • 20 Property is theft, innit
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