20 Reasons Why You Should Be Glad You Don't Own A Flat

30/10/2013 17:22

Young people of London (and most of the rest of the UK)!

Are you stuck in rental oblivion? Would need to sell a vital organ or go on the game, just to get a deposit? Are your mates getting dollar from Daddy, or saying things like 'share to buy', 'off-plan', and 'help to buy scheme'?

Don't despair. You're better off without a mortgage. And here's why:

  • 1 You can talk about football in the pub, not house prices
  • Look at how much fun these guys are having. I bet they aren't talking about mortgages.
  • 2 The Sunday newspaper property section makes an excellent lining for the cat litter tray, or scrunched up to dry your shoes
  • This is what the cat thinks of BORING property sections
  • 3 Decorating is only as strenuous as blu-tacking an Athena poster to the wall and choosing some novelty fairy lights.
  • Farrow and Ball? Get out.
  • 4 You can live in Camden, or Islington or Clapham with your mates, and you'd have to sell your kidney to buy there.
  • You only need to sell half a kidney for the rent
  • 5 You don't have to weakly try to convince snobby friends that Barking really is gentrifying, honest.
  • 6 Got a job in Sydney? Fancy time teaching in Bali? Gonna go surf for a season in Rio? Then hand in a month's notice to your landlord and hit the road.
  • OK, you probably don't actually ever do it. But it's nice to know you can.
  • 7 If the boiler breaks, you don't have to re-evaluate your life plan for the next decade to pay for repairs
  • 8 Ladders in your tights? Milk gone off? Shampoo dried up? Steal your flatmates' stuff.
  • 9 When your neighbour reveals a penchant for hanging around the back garden in his underwear or throwing dance parties at 11pm on a Sunday, you aren't stuck there for the next few years
  • 10 Yes, ok, if you want to move house, it's pretty galling to pay some jobsworth estate agent who thinks he's on the Apprentice £250 in "fees" to find you a new place to rent.
  • But if you were buying, you'd probably end up spending £20k in various fees
  • 11 Sick of your housemate? Dumping your boyfriend? Then move out. No dramas.
  • 12 Debt collection agencies can't prove you where you live
  • .. and if they can, just pretend you've moved out
  • 13 You absolutely couldn't care less about front pages like this
  • Shut up, no one cares
  • 14 If the plumbing breaks, you don't have to fix it. You call the landlord
  • (um, who also probably won't fix it..)
  • 15 Because your friends don't actually own their houses either. They just have a different landlord.
  • Called the bank.
  • 16 You don't know what APR, DEA, EPC or DTII stand for. And you don't care.
  • 17 The French don't give a shit about buying a house. They rent all their lives. And look how cool they are.
  • 18 Meeting all the nutters on spare room websites, and the stories you can tell afterwards, is a life experience everyone should have
  • 19 Meeting people who become your very best pals on spare room websites is a life experience everyone should have
  • 20 Property is theft, innit
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