Not a classic episode of 'Made in Chelsea' this week, by which I mean not enough sightings of either Francis Boulle or Mark Thomas, so in the meantime, here are the 15 best things about the latest goings-on in Chelsurreal land...
Spencer deals with the fall-out of yet another love affair gone wrong
- Jamie's short, but unsweet, taste of solitude following last week's fall-out with Phoebe, Lucy Watson AND his bromrade Spencer... "I lost everyone in 10 minutes," he told his own remaining friend Binkie. Literally, 30 seconds later... "Spenny's invited me to this boys' dinner." Oh well, tough while it lasted.
- Lucy Watson's delight on hearing about Phoebe's secret boyfriend, and preparing what she would say to the "hypocrite". "I'm going to go up to her and be like... " planned Lucy, twirling her hair in anticipation. 'Made in Chelsea' won a BAFTA for repeating conversations AFTER they'd taken place. Now they're pre-peating them before too. And WHEN did Louise and Lucy Watson become all buddy-buddy, chewing over the entrails of absent Phoebe?
- The shots of Harley Street exteriors, which we all know is shorthand for 'private medicine'. The choral pop music, the ticking clock... oh god, no but yes, it can only mean... more time with Spencer on the couch, as he pondered the inner difficulties of what it means to have too much money and too many women falling over him. Just ask George Best.
- Spencer on his "mutual split" from Stephanie, such "mutual" decision strangely following his non-mutual decision to spend the night with someone else. "I'm not blaming anyone, it's what I wanted," said Spencer generously, as his wide-eyed self-belief brought David Brent to mind.
- Self-propelled balladeer Andy Jordan's glasses getting ever more Beatnik as he follows his music nose. Matched by orange tasselled brogues for good measure. "You've only got one shoe on," pointed out Stevie, REASONABLY. "But look at the shoe," says Andy, a line to finish all arguments.
- Spencer's horrible grin to self as soon as he'd checked he could still make Louise cry within 10 minutes of talking to her. How's that therapy working out, Spenny? Be off with you for some pudding and pie.
- Spencer and pals kicking off the boys' dinner, and getting the party swinging with a dose of school-boy Latin. "Spot the Etonions," they cried as one, with self-congratulatory hurrahs all round. Unbearable.
- Jamie's continuing reinvention as a man of confusion, dubious virtue, existential angst. This is the man whose idea of a business several series ago consisted of dolly birds selling sweets.
- Lucy Watson's continuing reinvention as a girly girl, extending to a bonding session with Louise, including the sharing of a hundred confessions accompanied by smiles that never quite reached the eyes.
- "I don't lie to Spencer. I'm just not always completely honest with him." That's all right, then, Jamie BOY.
- Tiff reassuring Stevie that his efforts to please her on their non-date date thing were not entirely in vain, "I'm a cheap laugh."
- Stevie giving the boys a lesson in grace in dumpsville, approximately five minutes later - "well, have a good night."
- Stephanie giving the girls a lesson in how to dump Spencer. "I didn't really like it," he said, of their relationship in general, her trying to fly her dogs across the Atlantic (?) in particular. Did she wither? Did she wail? Not quite. "Then you're really dumb," she told him, with a swift, unruffled exit. That's how you do it, girls.
- The jungle party shenanigans... "You're mad at me because you were dishonest." "You're a fucking bitch." Was this Francis Boulle and Spencer Matthews falling out three series ago? Nope, this time former friends Fran and Phoebe making small talk over the canapés.
- Voice of sanity Mark Francis surveying real estate options - "I don't do old dairies." What DOES he do? Here we go... "something I've always deemed to be essential - a live-in seamstress."
Jamie ponders the meaning of life, love and bromance
Louise, meet hanky... every time!
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