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Super Typhoon Haiyan To Destroy Our Christmas, According Daily Star Front Page

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AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!

The massive and deadly typhoon that has killed tens of thousands of people, made countless more homeless and caused billions of pounds worth of damage is headed our way!

The fallout from Super Typhoon Haiyan "will wreck our Christmas with storms, high winds and freezing temperatures", reports the Daily Star.

Only it won't.

storm

Utter bo***cks

You see, what the hyperbole-laden red top has done is cleverly combine a news report about the foreseeable path of the storm with one about a particularly cold winter that may be in store for us.

Thankfully the calm and rational people at the Met Office are on hand to tell us what effect Haiyan will have on the UK.

A spokesperson said in soothing tones: "It will not affect the UK at all.

"This is a storm that is already blowing itself out on the other side of the world.

"It will dissipate."

Phew.