In the words of Nicolas Cage, ooohhhhuuuuuurrrrrrggggghhhh. It's the January transfer window and the only upside is there is a month of this wheelin' an' dealin' nonsense to report, starting with the rumour Arsenal might sign Dimitar Berbatov.
What could potentially be an amusing "F**k you" to Sir Alex Ferguson for ending a man's career at Manchester United for not scoring against City in the 2011 FA Cup semi-final - even though Michael Carrick gifted Yaya Touré the winning goal - the Sun say the Gunners are "closing in" on the Fulham striker for a £2 million fee.
Berbatov's contract at Craven Cottage expires this summer and Arsenal need a striker. Two plus two equals.....
Arsenal are also linked with Loïc Rémy, on loan at Newcastle from Queens Park Rangers, although the Times seem to suggest a deal is likelier to be done in the summer, rather than now.
For the 10th consecutive transfer window, Manchester United need a midfielder. They did at least buy one in the summer window, but he played for the manager at Everton, cost £4.5m more than was necessary, is out injured and when he has played has not fared well at all.
The Mirror try to excite Reds with news they could launch a club record bid (that'd be more than the £30.75m for Berbatov) for Juventus's Arturo Vidal.
In 2011, Vidal joined Juve for just €10.5 million on a five-year contract, as United spent £16m on centre-back Phil Jones, who they converted into a defensive midfielder. And a right-back. And an attacking midfielder.
Any Paris Saint-Germain move for Yohan Cabaye is dependent on whether they offload players this month, write the Sun. Cabaye was the subject of a bid from Arsenal in August and has also been monitored by United boss David Moyes.
Mats Daehli, one of the more skilful talents at Manchester United's academy in recent years, could return to Britain at Cardiff City. Ole Gunnar Solskjaer apparanetly intends to take the Molde playmaker with him to Wales.
There is, predictably, more conjecture surrounding Juan Mata's future after he reacted unhappily to being substituted at Southampton on Wednesday. José Mourinho's quotes about the Spaniard were ambiguous, although some have decided he has all but admitted the Blues' No.10 can leave the club.
And lest we forget Harry Redknapp, even if he is in the Championship. The Telegraph say he wants to bring in more firepower to Queens Park Rangers in an effort to ease the pressure on top scorer Charlie Austin.Suggest a correction