So we can all be very grateful Celebrity Big Brother is finally done and dusted for another year. Jim Davidson won to nobody's surprise given his target demographic – imbeciles – overlaps directly with CBB's audience. Now all that nonsense is out the way, here's some other nonsense for you to feast your eyes on...
Must watch... Just to prove I don't hate everything about Channel 5, I thought I might point you in the direction of its latest searing documentary. She's 78, he's 39: Age Gap Lovers (Channel 5, Tuesday, 9pm) introduces us to six couples of varying age differences. As is par for the course with this kind of programme, there's much to snigger at. OAP Edna Martin and her fella Simon, 39, have a shared "passion for the organ". Meanwhile, 69-year-old sunbed lover Joanne has fulfilled her late husband's death bed wish for her to get a toy boy and a breast enlargement (she's got surgically enhanced 43F Bristols and now wants to go bigger). However, if you can get over all the sex talk and cheap laughs, there's some sweet and occasionally sad stuff going on here. Really, there is.
Maybe watch... Much more gruesome than the prospect of intergenerational nookie is Channel 4's latest Bodyshockers documentary, My Piercing Hell (Thursday, 10pm). Katie Piper goes around meeting a select band of lunatics who have disfigured themselves in an array of alarming/hilarious ways. Sharelle wants surgery so she can get herself some cheek dimples ("When God was giving out dimples I was at the back of the queue"), while Pete, for some odd reason, regrets the huge tattoo of Pink he's had plastered over his back. Those of a squeamish disposition best look away.
Don't bother... The return of Outnumbered (Wednesday, BBC One, 9pm) has coincided with the show's kids, to the apparent surprise of the newspapers, getting older. Cue creepy newspaper mentions of the "blossoming" of Ramona Marquez, who plays Karen. Unfortunately the new (and final) series is utterly terrible and according to Twitter it's the ageing of the young stars that's behind the drop off in quality. It's a theory I'm not buying. The reason this once sparky show is not funny anymore is simple, the writing has gone downhill quicker than any of the micro-celebs on The Jump. All of the wit and energy has gone leaving us with a programme that's like a sitcom with no jokes or a soap with no drama.
Film of the Week... After the magnificent Moon, Duncan Jones (or David Bowie's kid to you and me) followed up with Source Code (Saturday, Channel 4, 10pm) a highly enjoyable high-concept action-thriller starring Jake Gyllenhaal.
Catch up... It might be a rip off of Channel 4's Educating series, but Tough Young Teachers is a pleasure to watch. Not only does it follow a load of likeable, hardworking teachers but it also strives to present young people in a positive light, which is novel for BBC Three, a channel that usually favours documentaries about teenagers drinking their own piss in Faliraki.
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