Usually when we post features that have come from religious sites, they tend to get a lot of flack.
One of the first tips, say the authors, is that you shouldn't expect each other not to change.
Under the headline 'do not marry potential', they write: "Don’t assume that you can change a person after you’re married to them or that they will reach their potential. There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for the better. In fact, it’s often for the worse. If you can’t accept someone or imagine living with them as they are then don’t marry them."
Openness is also key, so: "Any couples make the mistake of not putting everything on the table for discussion from the onset. Ask yourself, “What do I need to know to be absolutely certain I want to marry this person?” “What bothers me about this person or the relationship?” It’s very important to identify what’s bothering you, things that concern you, and things you are afraid to bring up for discussion."
They also mention common purpose - so creating plans where your interests align, rather than diverge. (Which makes sense, when you think about it).
It's pretty jaw-dropping that a lot of couples don't talk about their personal feelings about having kids, living abroad or other big life decisions, but these are all essential conversations to have before tying the knot.
A big emphasis, says Dr Sekandari and Mojaddidi is to also attend to the emotional needs of one another. "When a man takes seriously the emotional needs of his wife she will feel more encouraged to fulfill his sexual desires. Likewise, when a woman takes seriously the emotional needs of her husband he will feel more encouraged to give her the affection, love and appreciation she wants from him."
Also incredibly helpful were the four questions that a person should ask themselves and be able to answer yes to.
- Do I respect and admire this person? What specifically do I respect and admire about this person?
- Do I trust this person? Can I rely on them? Do I trust their judgment? Do I trust their word? Can I believe what they say?
- Do I feel Safe? Do I feel emotionally safe with this person? Can I be vulnerable? Can I be myself? Can I be open? Can I express myself?
- Do I feel calm and at peace with this person?
Lastly, we could all pay attention to this: "It’s very important to remember no one else is responsible for your happiness. Many people make the mistake of thinking someone else will fulfill them and make their life better and that’s their reason for getting married.
"People fail to realize that if they are unhappy as a single person, they will continue to be miserable when they are married."
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