LIFESTYLE

How To Poo On A Date - Could This Be The Most Useful Dating Manual Ever?

24/03/2014 13:54 GMT | Updated 28/04/2014 14:59 BST

Forget dating techniques, who kisses who on the first date and how to make comfortable small talk.

Tackling the often-taboo topic of 'to poo or not to poo' while dating someone, How To Poo On A Date dispenses critical advice.

The book has just won an award - the Odd Diagram book award for oddest title and currently, it is sold out on Amazon.

But while you may laugh, there is plenty to be worried about. Do you know the etiquette around dating poos?

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They tackle topics such as: should you ever talk to your date about it? What are the rules when it comes to your first sleepover? And how on Earth do you tackle the smell if it takes you by surprise like a stealthy ninja?

In the introduction to the book, the authors Mats and Enzo tell us they have apparently spent five years researching how to navigate the murky waters.

They reveal that old excuses just don't cut it anymore.

"There is the old "I'm going to powder my nose which may have worked a century ago, but don't even try it nowadays. Another popular phrase everyone can see through is "Excuse me, I must go to wash my hands." Saying "I just need to step out for a minute" is about as subtle as saying "Excuse me while I take a dump."

In response to this mystery, they write: "As the great statesman - and, so our sources say, an expert toilet user - Winston Churchill would have said: it's a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. But not anymore Winston, not anymore."

The book, needless to say, is brilliant.

Here are just a few excerpts from their top tips:

Speed: Never be away for more than five minutes to avoid all suspicion

Secrecy: Never say precisely what you are going to do

Identity: Come back in the exact same configuration you left in (same clothes, same hair, clean hands...)

What are your top shits tips?

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