Well, that's it. All over. For another year, at least.
And as Glastonbury 2014 kicked off, there was all the usual excitement and advice:
Off to Glastonbury today? Don't forget to bring heavy boots and an umbrella. In fact, anything you can throw at Kasabian.
— Michael Legge (@michaellegge) June 26, 2014
Driving the A303 to Glastonbury? As you pass Stonehenge on the left do you sense a message? The message is: you’re going the wrong way.
— paul bassett davies (@thewritertype) June 25, 2014
Didnt get Glastonbury tickets? Just watch guardian readers drink warm white wine whilst pretending to like radio 1
— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) June 24, 2014
Ah, yes. It wouldn't be Glastonbury On Twitter without the inevitable (but also amusing) 'how to recreate Glastonbury' tweets:
Recreate the excitement of Glastonbury by watching your TV from the next street, doing a wee in your shoe, and falling over your own fence.
— TittyBiscuits. (@dawneywawney) June 25, 2014
Recreating Glastonbury at home. Blocked my toilet with falafel, said I was a fan of the sofa before you lot & the kitchen has a bad vibe.
— Dave Turner (@mrdaveturner) June 25, 2014
To replicate watching Robert Plant live at Glastonbury - watch the TV from the shower and have the Family walk about with brollies in front
— Mark Stephens (@MarksLarks) June 28, 2014
Couldn't get to Glastonbury? Recreate the experience by camping in the rain at Fishguard, smearing yourself in urine, while playing old CDs
— LookOut Wales (@HughPugh) June 28, 2014
At Glastonbury itself, meanwhile, there was the inevitable rain and mud, and media coverage of the rain and mud...
What awful conditions people have to endure in some parts of the world. No sanitation. Living in filty mud huts. Still, that's Glastonbury.
— Bennett Arron (@BennettArron) June 28, 2014
Anyone following Glastonbury in some papers could be forgiven for thinking it is only attended by young women. Like A-level day, with mud.
— The Media Blog (@TheMediaTweets) June 27, 2014
GLASTONBURY: We fail to mask our glee at rain while publishing as many bikini shots of liberated hippy girls as we can find.
— The DM Reporter (@DMReporter) June 29, 2014
Rudimental's set at #Glastonbury has been cut short due to rain. It's almost as if the weather gods have seen them live before....
— Tiernan Douieb (@TiernanDouieb) June 27, 2014
Drought hit regions, bring much needed rain for your crops by holding your own Glastonbury.
— tom jamieson (@jamiesont) June 28, 2014
The inevitable wacky Glastonbury-goers...
— Mark Beaumont (@Markbeaumontuk) June 28, 2014
And inevitable crowd behaviour:
Men at Glastonbury with their girlfriends on their shoulders are also known as 'The Osteopath's New Car'.
— Simon Blackwell (@simonblackwell) June 27, 2014
Of course, there were plenty of thoughts on the line-up:
Jake Bugg is headlining ahead of The Pixies tonight. That makes less sense than Twin Peaks.
— Dan (@ThatConnArtist) June 28, 2014
Glastonbury show tonight includes strong language and flashing lights. I must be getting old, never heard either of those bands
— Barry Welsh (@BarryWelshHTV) June 28, 2014
— David Renshaw (@ddavidrenshaw) June 27, 2014
And on some acts in particular:
Skrillex sounds like when you open the cupboard and all the pans fall out
— Jack Boardman (@jackboardman_) June 26, 2014
How does Jack White manage to look black & white in real life ?
— Nicola Richards (@NickyRR) June 28, 2014
Its hard to believe Debbie Harry is 93.
— Mr Nick (@nick_hubert) June 27, 2014
My dad appears to be the drummer in the Pixies.
— Primly Stable (@PrimlyStable) June 28, 2014
Arcade Fire are a bit like a one-man band on a jobshare #Glastonbury
— Michael Hogan (@michaelhogan) June 27, 2014
Put everything back in the cupboard now and get the recorders out like you were told. #Arcade Fire
— Matthew Holness (@MrHolness) June 27, 2014
Ed Sheeran is my fourth favourite Weasley #Glastonbury
— Rachael (@RachaelvsWorld) June 29, 2014
Indeed, Ed Sheeran brought back memories for some:
Ed Sheeran always reminds me of when I convinced my M-I-L he was Prince Harry 'doing a turn' at the Olympics Closing Ceremony.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) June 29, 2014
But on to the big guns! First off, Saturday headliners and renowned bear-hunters Metallica:
In an ideal world, the stage directions for Metallica's set tonight should be "Exit, pursued by a bear".
— Nick Pettigrew (@Nick_Pettigrew) June 28, 2014
“Lars Ulrich” sounds like a toddler trying to say large oil rig #Glastonbury
— Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) June 28, 2014
This Metallica gig looks like the sort of thing Quincy might have gone to while investigating tinnitus related teen suicides. #Glastonbury
— Peter Holmes (@MrPeterHolmes) June 28, 2014
Fun fact. Metallica's Master of Puppets is about Sooty creator Harry Corbett.
— Dorian Lynskey (@Dorianlynskey) June 28, 2014
Hey Metallica. Just use 'Puppet Master' and you've saved a word. You're welcome.
— Rocking Vicar (@ROCKINGVICAR) June 28, 2014
Flicking between Metallica and the Uruguay match like a vegetarian offered veal medallions and steak tartare.
— Daniel Maier (@danielmaier) June 28, 2014
If everyone had just stuck to ROCKING OUT LIKE FUCK there would no artisan coffee drinking cocktails in jam jars wankers. Think on
— lucy sweet (@lucytweet1) June 28, 2014
Wonderful to see Metallica's moving Sir Alex Ferguson tribute at Glastonbury. pic.twitter.com/6a9zertHra
— hrtbps (@hrtbps) June 29, 2014
Bored of this now.
RELEASE THE BEARS.
— Robin Flavell (@RobinFlavell) June 28, 2014
The one and only Dolly Parton:
Bit unfair of Glastonbury to put Dolly Parton on at 5, given her strict working hours.
— holly walsh (@wiggywalsh) June 29, 2014
Dolly Parton set up a theme park dedicated to herself and remains substantially likeable. I'm pretty sure that counts as a superpower.
— Dean Burnett (@garwboy) June 29, 2014
Dolly Parton playing the Benny Hill theme on a diamond encrusted saxophone. What more could I want in life?
— H Brooke-Taylor (@GalacticPlastic) June 29, 2014
'Dolly draws huge crowd at Glastonbury' She's multitalented you know.
— Jim Bob (@mrjimBob) June 29, 2014
And to round everything off, Kasabian:
Kasabian only seem to have one song. Sadly it's by Led Zeppelin.
— Liz Buckley (@liz_buckley) June 29, 2014
Every member of Kasabian is Super Hans.
— Stephen Abootman (@CoachCrumbs) June 29, 2014
I just did a massive sigh....it was Kasabian related
— Will Broome (@williambroome) June 29, 2014
I had no idea Oasis were headlining #Glastonbury
— Boy George (@BoyGeorge) June 29, 2014
Of course, you didn't have to be there to have a time, good or otherwise. Those watching at home kept us amused...
I'm at the pyramid stage. No, I'm not at Glastonbury, that's just where I'm up to in pondering what sort of tomb to have.
— John Fidler (@johnfidler) June 27, 2014
"Don't worry son, we can have our own little Glastonbury. Right here in the caravan!"
— Adam Hess (@adamhess1) June 29, 2014
— Michael Moran (@TheMichaelMoran) June 28, 2014
I love the idea of going to Glastonbury, but I absolutely, positively wouldn't be able to go to the toilet. Not on stage, anyway.
— Chris Hewitt (@ChrisHewitt) June 29, 2014
I think I've missed the boat for Glastonbury. I like a nice sit-down and I'd look like Elbow's mam being supportive.
— Andromeda (@andromedababe) June 27, 2014
Knowing I'm not at Glastonbury is how I get high.
— Graham Linehan (@Glinner) June 26, 2014
...and also informed with fun Glastonbury facts:
did you know King Arthur brought the Holy Grail to Glastonbury and buried it in a church in association with EE his official mobile partner
— Keri (@kerihw) June 29, 2014
The main stages at Glastonbury are Denial, Anger, Depression, Bargaining and Metallica.
— Rich Neville (@RichNeville) June 27, 2014
But then it was all over. And thus time for the inevitable clear-up...
Leaving Glastonbury today? Don't worry about tidying up after yourself, I'm sure the cows love eating used condoms and tent pegs.
— Andy Gilderdale (@AndyGilder) June 30, 2014
If you're at Glastonbury, help Michael Eavis with the clean-up tomorrow. His parents will be super pissed if they find out what went on.
— Jamie DMJ (@JamieDMJ) June 30, 2014
And the inevitable return to civilisation:
After five days at #glastonbury, just got my first look in the mirror. My face looks like a vintage Spanish leather handbag.
— SimonNRicketts (@SimonNRicketts) June 30, 2014
On the 6.10am National Express to London Victoria from Glastonbury. The driver has put Heart Fm on. People are crying.
— Rob Auton (@RobertAuton) June 30, 2014
Just seen my first Glastonbury wristband wanker!
— Ian Power (@IHPower) June 30, 2014
Not forgetting a few final words of advice for those who went...
STICK IT TO THE MAN by leaving your Glastonbury parking permit in the windscreen of your BMW for the next twelve months.
— Twop Twips (@TwopTwips) June 30, 2014
Hipsters. You have until Friday to remove that #glastonbury wrist band. After that we're taking it by force along with the hand
— Baz (@bazlyons) June 30, 2014
A few final thoughts...
Is it too late to pitch an article about how middle-class Glastonbury is? Because I think that's an angle that's yet to be explored fully.
— Damian Counsell (@PootBlog) June 29, 2014
Had a rubbish time at #Glastonbury. Nobody else even turned up. Why do they hold it in this tiny field in Scotland anyway?!
— Dave Steele (@hullodave) June 29, 2014
And a return to the thrill we felt at the start:
Who's going to #Glastonbury this year?
— Matt Owen (@MJowen174) June 29, 2014
Glastonbury, here I come. Exciting!
— Nick Harvey (@mrnickharvey) June 30, 2014
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