Online Dating: 10 Signs You Need To Stop

30/07/2014 16:33 | Updated 22 May 2015

You're on Match, My Single Friend and Guardian Soulmates and like Drew Barrymore says in He's Just Not That Into You, it's exhausting. So where's Prince Charming? asks Alexandra Jones. Ten signs that show online dating is actually not getting you anywhere when it comes to love...

1. You've had no replies. At least IRL there's some human interaction, even if it's just a polite arm-pat.

2. You have a FAQs section on your profile. If you can't be bothered to answer the questions as they come, you've been doing it for far too long.

3. You've become desensitized to weirdness. He picked you up in his car and it had a trailer attached to the back. In the trailer was a giant cage. You were vaguely aware that a giant cage should illicit alarm bells, but you went on the date anyway. (This actually happened to a friend of mine.)

4. You're getting all or a few of the following: offers of money, penis pictures, 8-page life stories, requests for images of your "lady lumps". Even if this doesn't stop you, you should definitely change sites.

5. You've been on so many bad dates you've started seriously considering the ones who say you would make an excellent mother for their children.

6. Internet dating has become your biggest monthly outgoing. Fees, dinners, drinks, bowling and whatever else is on the cards are all well and good, as long as you can pay your rent.

7. You keep ending up in a virtual-boyfriend situation where, despite some profound emailing, the guy never actually wants to meet up with you. There's really only so much you can do with an e-boyfriend.

8. You've stopped food shopping because you go on so many dinner dates. Sweet Jesus, have a night in.

9. You used to feel awkward writing sweeping statements about yourself but now it has become second nature, you've even found yourself telling a work colleague about how you are "funny but reserved, laid back but a little neurotic and how walks on the beach with your family Labrador in tow are your ultimate favourite past time". Yuck.

10. You're massaging some guy's ego and you don't even know him. To quote a friend: "you go on a bowling date and find out he has smaller feet than you. So as not to look like a monster you squeeze your own feet into bowling shoes that are 2 sizes too small and hobble through the entire night wincing every time he looks away.' TIME. TO. STOP.

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