PARENTS

10 Questions Only Mothers Of Sons Ask

14/08/2014 17:00 | Updated 20 May 2015

Bringing up boys

1. Why doesn't someone design a toilet without a wee well? Mums of daughters won't even think about this - but if you've got a son then the chances are you'll be screwing up your nose on a daily basis mopping up the mis-directed urine reservoir between the seat and the cistern. The secondary question is wondering why urinals are acceptable in public loos, cafes, restaurants, pubs and even libraries but not at home?

2. Is he a serial killer in training? This question concerns the glee boys take in killing insects. You've read somewhere that almost all serial killers have abused or tortured animals in their childhoods. It might only cross your mind for a fleeting millisecond when they're pulling the legs off a spider but you still gasp when you catch yourself doing it.

3. Is he gay? This one is posed when they're two-and-a-half and dressed up as Tinkerbell. You couldn't care less either way but it's a fact mums of sons will ask themselves this at some point in their son's childhood. The only way to deal with this is to answer 'so what if he is!'.

4. Am I scarring him for life by letting him see me naked? It's not as if your home is a nudist colony but it's not a Victorian house either so a bit of nudity is not only inevitable but natural. You don't want to pass on your physical hang-ups after all. But there are times when you worry he'll be haunted for life when he catches sight of you bending over the bath to retrieve a hair ball from the plug hole. Reassure yourself you're giving them a realistic representation of a woman's body rather than the pneumatic breasts and bottoms they'll be familiar with when they reach a certain age.

5. What do you say when he notices string hanging between your legs? Obviously your answer should be honest and open - you don't want him getting confused or feeling ashamed by Mother Nature. So tell him it's a bit of loo roll.

6. How can I raise a son to make him respect women? We've all cross across a man who treats women like dirt at some point in our lives and we certainly don't want our sons to turn into a bloke like that. So when they declare they hate girls because they're rubbish, you make damn sure they are told otherwise.

7. How on earth am I going to reason with him when he's twice my size and I can't stop him walking out the door? He's already marching off in a huff but what about when he's six foot and hormonal? Mums of teenage sons hoot when you ask them this and their answer of 'no idea, when you find out let me know' is slightly alarming. Here's hoping communication, boundaries and bribery work.

8. Will I let him bring his girlfriends home to stay the night? Keep your fingers crossed he turns into a spotty geek obsessed with computer games so we don't have to deal with that. The answer is 'probably, yes if she's long term' although we'd have to discuss it and if we agree to it, we'll go in with them on the camp bed.

9. Will he roll his eyes when you ring him like his father gets a call from his mother? Your heart pleads 'no', it'll never be like that with your boy. Your head says 'of course he will', because he already does that now when you speak to him in the same room.

10. Will he leave me? Not physically because he will even though he claims now he'll always live with mummy and daddy. But will he distance himself from you when he settles down and become more involved with his partner's family than his own? That's why they say you lose a son and gain a daughter. The only way to counter this is to build a bond so strong he'll always be there for you. In other words, repeat after me 'over my dead body'!

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