It's the end of the series! We have a winner! And here's the funniest seven moments of the finale. It's been, er, mind-blowing, says Will Gore
If you are still reading this blog after 12 weeks of Britain and Ireland's Next Top Model then give yourself a pat on the back. You've done it. You've survived. Other viewers may have deserted us for Here Comes Honey Boo Boo or Don't Tell the Bride, but you, dear reader, have shown great loyalty, if very little sense. So, well done for that.
When I took on the challenge of writing a weekly BINTM blog I didn't realise quite how dull watching people having their photos taken could be, but even my low expectations have been undercut.
What with all the snapping and constant footage of shampoo bottles, there's been little time for much else to get enthused about. Also, the fact that last night's winner, Lauren, has been a shoe-in for victory since the very first episode has also rendered the build up of any kind of tension nigh on impossible.
This all meant last night's final was a case of putting BINTM and us viewers out of our collective misery. At least, though, it wasn't an episode completely devoid of laughs. Because I'm a good guy I thought I'd leave you with a list of the golden moments from the finale to take away, so you've got something to cling to during the dark, BINTM-less months ahead.
1. The three remaining girls - Lauren, Emma and Sarah - took part in a finale fashion show and were dressed by designer Ashley Martin. Like a Caribbean version of Dannii Minogue, she overemphasised her way through a range of annoying phrases, "feather drama!" being the most grating and Minogue-esque.
2. Thankfully, we were treated to an original piece of Minogue idiocy too. As the judges weighed up Emma's chances of winning, Dannii came out with the kind of gloriously meaningless waffle that has become her trademark. "Everything about her that's wrong that's right," she said. Tyson and Elle, as usual, smiled and moved swiftly on.
3. To be fair to Dannii, Elle has spouted regular amounts of rubbish too, and last night's summation of Emma's looks, "She has a face like a lion or Marlon Brando", was a perfect example.
4. Emma's Brando/lion face provided another moment of mirth. As Lauren's picture appeared on the big screen to announce her victory, Emma's sulky, "I'm going to punch everyone" expression was a joy to behold. You can take the girl out of Yorkshire, etc.
5. After last week's star turn from self-proclaimed "fashion guru" Kingsley Thorne, another brilliantly named clothes expert, Rodney Powers, put the models through their paces prior to the catwalk show. As Lauren strode down the strip in trainers, he shouted, "wrong shoes wrong shoes wrong shoes wrong shoes", like a BINTM robot gone rogue. The camp head-slap as Emma did her walk was superb, too.
6. "She's making love to the camera". I've been waiting 13 weeks for this cliché to be uttered. In the nick of time, Elle obliged, during Sarah's photo session by the pool.
7. And finally, the highlight of the whole series came close to the very end of last night's show. A dancer carrying two full trays of drinks took to the catwalk and limboed her way under a stick of bamboo suspended very low to the ground. I'm talking lower than Piers Morgan's capacity for good. The trays remained flat, the drinks remained unspilt. I'm not sure watching wannabe models having their pictures taken for weeks on end makes for great watching, but a woman limboing with two trays of drinks? Now that's entertainment.
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Read Will's week-by-week account of Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model, series seven, here.