Getting Back Into Dating

14/08/2014 17:00 | Updated 20 May 2015

getting back into dating

So, you've bit the bullet, faced the music, seized the opportunity ... (you get where I'm going with this.) You've mustered all your courage, done your research (read my dating articles!) and you're now officially 'dating' real human people.

Fun isn't it?

Hold on, what do you mean everyone you've met so far has turned out to be really weird?

Ah. Yes. I may have actually omitted to mention that in my previous posts. You see, that's the thing about dating, you don't really know what you're going to get until you meet them. A bit like Forrest Gump and his box of chocolates.

However, you're not alone. I know hundreds of dating horror stories, thankfully not just my own, that will make you feel SO much better. Let me regale you with a few:

The man that kissed like a washing machine

"It was getting late and I was conscious he needed to leave soon so I figured him coming over to me on my sofa meant that we could just cut to the chase, have a nice 'goodnight' kiss and he'd be gone. Oh. My. God. He mounted me. Literally hopped onto my lap like a toddler, and kissed me. The positioning aside, how can you get kissing SO wrong? Take a minute to remember your first ever kiss. Got it? Now, remember how awful it was. Now double it. That was this kiss. I choked on his tongue and I couldn't subtly pull back because by now, my head was wedged into the corner of the sofa."

OK, it doesn't sound like an 'ideal' situation, but it could have been worse. I'm not sure how though.

The footballer

A friend of mine dated a footballer – we're not talking Premiership, believe me. He texted her before their first date and asked her to record Match of the Day for him. As if that wasn't enough of a warning sign, he then proceeded to give her a list of personal requirements:

She had to wear a tracksuit.

  • She had to take a photo of the inside of her fridge to prove she had wine chilling for him.
  • She wasn't allowed to wear any gold.
  • She had to wear French knickers.
  • He'd prefer it if she didn't wear any make-up.
  • She wasn't allowed to swear.
Well doesn't he sound dreamy? The good thing? She had enough notice to pull out before the date. She didn't mind you ... but at least she decided she didn't want to see him again. Phew.

Rubber lips

"When we pulled up outside my house, my hand was already on the car door handle ready to peck him on the cheek and do a runner because I just knew I didn't want to see him again, but his lips were waiting for me – big and rubbery and facing me as I turned round. I pecked him on the lips but his big, giant clown hand was already on my leg and I knew I had to make a break for it before I got cuddled to death in his Mondeo."

So you see, you're not the only person who's had a date with someone who is a little ... 'leftfield' or not quite right for you, and you certainly won't be the last. But for as many 'horror' stories as I have and I've shared, I have as many success stories.

I have lost count of the amount of times friends have told me they know someone who's met and fallen in love online. In fact, a have a very good friend how met someone on a free dating site ... and they ended up getting married.

It really depends how you choose to look at it. If it's not gone too well, you've met someone you certainly wouldn't normally meet (thankfully), you have a great story to tell your friends and family and it's just a case of moving onto the next.

Or, you've just had a very, VERY lucky escape.

And if it DID go well ... what are you doing reading this? Book that second date!

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