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How To Make A Decent Booty Call

14/08/2014 16:33 | Updated 22 May 2015

What's so wrong with a bit of temporary-passion? Late night booty calling is a way of getting what you want via minimal effort. So here's how you do it.

How do I booty call someone in a cool way?

A surprising amount of "Oops, sat on my phone" or "I didn't mean to call you but..." seems to fly around during the initial proposition. NO ONE BELIEVES THIS! Also, it implies banging them is an after thought. Would you say "yes, I'll have sex with you because you mis-called me."? Didn't think so. A simple, quick question like "what are you doing right now?" is the most casual way to do it. Everyone knows what that means.

How To Make A Decent Booty Call

Does it make me look lonely?

No. There's a huge difference between phoning an ex-boyfriend crying and phoning him because tequila means you want to wriggle around on something you already know. Never call someone late at night and lure them with sex because you miss them. Booty calls, when you're using your airtime properly, are only because you want a ride.

What happens if I get knocked back?

So what? I got knocked back from buying a bottle of Malibu a couple of months ago and I'm a grown woman. It was embarrassing (for two reasons) but I got over it. If someone says no, they say no. Their loss, either go to sleep or if you're an expert at this, phone someone else. If you do get knocked back, a confident yet swift reply shows you've ruled them out of your cool late night love making, like it's their bad decision because you was where the party was at. Very important though, only ask once.

What happens if they tell people?

While I was in bed with my recent ex, he received a booty call from my childhood best friend who I hadn't spoken to several years. I'm now telling you all about it. Do you care about the girl? Do you care about the guy? Do you care about me? No. The interest in other people's sex lives unless it directly affects them in minimal. No one cares - in the good way.

What if I make a bad decision about who I call?

Well, I can't help you with this one. I have booty called some of the worst human beings that have ever walked the Earth. They're not the men I was planning on spending the rest of my life with and that's exactly the reason why I phoned them. I don't even let these men stay the entire night. They have done their job and the last thing I need is some guy with mother issues and a suspended driving licence trying to cook me breakfast.

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