We've had a bit of a break from Made in Chelsea, says Will Gore, but fear not - nothing's changed...
We might be drowning in rain at the moment, but at least it's always sunny in the moronic world of Made in Chelsea.
The new series started with a sun-drenched pool party at some country pile - extras milled around awkwardly, Proudlock did an embarrassing underwater dance and a couple of grinning, posh robots called Freddie and Miffy (yes, Miffy) checked into MiC for the first time.
There was also an "hilarious" running gag involving Francis Boulle getting pushed in the pool that concluded on a bizarre note when he ended up alone and naked in the water. When Rosie asked him how he had come to be parted from his Speedos, Francis just put his hands over his manhood and said, "Things happen". He must have hoped this would come across as flirty and enigmatic, but in the context it was just plain creepy - no surprise then that Rosie turned down his subsequent kind offer of a date.
There was some more awkward, will you go out with me?, stuff courtesy of aforementioned newbie, Freddie. As if his own weird face wasn't embarrassing enough, he then introduced himself to the newly single Lucy Watson and immediately asked her out.
With a wide grin that made him look like Cherie Blair on laughing gas, he beamed at her hopefully, and despite initially saying no, Lucy relented and said she might be keen for a date in the not too distant future. With that big smile taking over his entire face, Freddie sauntered off with Rosie telling Lucy he must have "big balls". Thankfully, for all concerned, he didn't end up naked in the pool with Francis to prove whether her theory was correct or not.
As the episode unfolded and we moved on from the pool party, it quickly became clear that Spencer, and his various romantic entanglements, will once again be the central MiC plot.
We first caught up with him in a psychotherapy session – a pointless exercise surely, because as anyone who's watched more than five minutes of Made in Chelsea knows, Spencer's problems aren't to do with his brain at all, rather a part of his anatomy to be found a little further south. To put it in cruder terms, Spencer's like a dog with 14 dicks and, in my humble opinion, no amount of psychotherapy is going to sort that out.
Perhaps you think I'm being harsh, but this assessment was proved correct time and time again in last night's episode. Not only did we get the news that Spenny and Lucy had split because he had cheated her on at least four times, but he also couldn't stop himself from sniffing around his ex, Louise.
Andy finally did himself a favour and dumped Louise after discovering she had got her baps out for the lads at a house party (Lucy said it, so it must be true). Louise was devastated at being dumped and hearing of her distress, Spencer's ears, and probably something else, pricked up. While sharing a drink with her brother and Stevie, he asked, "Is Louise home now?" He claimed there was no ulterior motive, but the fact he was winking as he said it rather gave the game away. He was soon rushing round to see her, presumably hoping she might still be topless.
Despite Spencer's best efforts, Louise was inconsolable and claimed she wanted Andy back. Spencer was showing no such inclination as far as Lucy was concerned though, and just to underline his charming claim that she's the only one of his exes he wouldn't sleep with again, he gate-crashed her night out with Binky and made her cry. He might have been away from us for a few months, but Spenny's still got it.
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