14/08/2014 16:49 | Updated 22 May 2015


I feel slightly nauseous. I've gorged myself on other people's moaning and sadness. I've lurked and scrolled but I've not connected. Not had a meaningful conversation with someone I consider a friend.

I've said a few things, but I've been ignored. I don't feel good about myself, but I can't stay away, I keep checking back, just in case.

I flick listlessly from one app to the next in an endless loop, refreshing and refreshing, searching fruitlessly for validation.

I'm only doing it because I'm bored. Not that it's a cure for boredom. Far from it.

After a day spent constantly refreshing, the boredom is now undercut by a faint self-loathing. I know it's not good for me, but I can't seem to stop myself.

I'm lonely too. The acute loneliness felt when in a crowd. I'm not just on my own, but I'm not connecting. The nasty little gremlin in my brain called paranoia, tells me I'm excluded.

I need to switch off.

Victoria Wallop is a confirmed Londoner, with a love of travelling to far-flung places. She writes, tweets and solders silver for a living. She's useful in a pub quiz and adept at pulling leeches off small people.

Tweet @vwallop


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