We all have them - those moments when your kids say something so unbelievably precocious you choke on your biscuit.
It's not their fault, bless them. They can't help it - it's the way the world is today. But it does remind you how things have changed since you were small...
1. This avocado isn't ripe enough.
What? You're six and you have an opinion on avocado. I didn't have avocado until I was in my 20s. And I made myself like it. See also pesto, pasta and olives.
2. Can I have an iPad mini?
Not sufficient to play on your iPad, they want their own and a smaller, more up to date one than yours. But everyone else has got one and we use them at school! Sorry, but we only had ICT once a week and I remember when the office had one computer with the Internet. You can 'suffer' by playing on mine until you're older.
3. Can I watch something on Netflix?
Oh my lord - on demand TV viewing has destroyed delayed gratification forever. We had to wait until children's telly started. You have 24/7 dedicated channels. Mind you, thank God CBeebies starts at 6am.
4. Oh, please can I have a Lego advent calendar?
Gone are the days of flimsy one dimensional ones with a drawing of a robin under window 1. Instead we are nagged for something that costs at least £20; money which would have been better spent being saved for stocking presents.
5. I want the shoes with the toys in the heel.
It beggars belief that products come with toys - we might be used to Happy Meals but beyond that, these 'added value extras' only encourage pester power.
6. I'd rather go to Pizza Express.
Oh, would you? In our day, a meal out was sweaty cling-filmed cheese sandwiches in the car and our first trip to a restaurant was either Pizzaland or the Beefeater minus crayons. We were expected to sit on our bottoms and keep quiet - and if we misbehaved we'd be sent to sit in the car.
7. Why hasn't the outdoors got wireless?
This is a precursor to wifi rage - a child's fury over the fact they can't Instagram their bored face selfie, send an emoji-laden tweet or instant message their bestie. No explanation will do. They just don't get a world without wifi.
8. I wish the cleaner wouldn't move my stuff.
If it wasn't for the cleaner, you wouldn't be able to find the floor, young lady/man.
9. Not leftovers.
My mum would spin a chicken carcass out for three weeks. Usually incorporating liver and onions. So don't moan about spag bol two nights in a row.
10. I just burned my forehead with my GHDs.
Serves you right. We had to go to school with frizzy hair and suffer.
11. But I really want to go to Glastonbury!
Not. A. Chance. It's much bigger and scarier than when I went - and I was 22!.
12. A skinny mocha chocka organic one, please.
Coffee shops cost us a fortune - what's wrong with a cuppa with your mates in your bedroom?
13. I really need a Shellac manicure and blow dry for my prom.
You must be joking. The school disco for us involved a sneaky slick of Rimmel frosted lipstick accompanied by unplucked eyebrows.
14. I hate you and I'm going to blog about it.
Fair enough you hate me but why do you have to tell the world when I could only slag off my parents to my mates in the canteen?
15. Please don't do me a homemade birthday cake, mum.
I blame the Great British Bake Off and all those fancy cupcakes. The kids used to love a wonky sponge. But no, these days they want personalised perfection. We give up!
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