As we all know, everybody's TV watching life is on hold until the King of the Idiot Box, Danny Dyer, makes his EastEnders debut on Christmas day. But during the upcoming seven days, you can distract yourself with these stonkers and stinkers...
Must watch... I should probably be recommending The Face (Sky Living, Monday, 8pm) in a week's time, just before the final, but where would the fun be in that? The only reason anyone watches this kind of pap is to revel in other people's misfortune, so what could be more enjoyable than seeing people booted off their 'journey' so close to the end? In this week's show the wannabe models head to Paris for a handbag assignment on the banks of the Seine. Erin O'Connor is desperate for one of her girls to win a challenge for the first time in the series, while Naomi Campbell dishes out her customary sage advice. "Chin down is real fashion," is this week's pebble of wisdom. Despite this, a "big dog called Enzo" steals the show.
Also showing... Lady Gaga talks about her new album in an interview for The Culture Show (BBC Two, Wednesday, 10pm), while everyone's favourite fictional Danish female politician, Birgitte Nyborg, is back in the third series of Borgen (BBC Four, Saturday, 9pm).
Film of the Week... Darren Aronofsky's Black Swan (Channel 4, Saturday, 9pm) is undoubtedly the one to catch. It's got fierce eye make-up, stabbings, lesbianism, Vincent Cassel and ballet. What more could you want?