The Pill: Five Things That Happen When You're On Oral Contraception

14/08/2014 16:41 | Updated 20 May 2015

It's great news all round that us girls have access to free birth control. And the options? Endless. But the thing is, if you're anything like us you're terrified of having an implant inserted into your arm (even if it's only the size of a kirby grip), the coil resembles some kind of medieval torture equipment and the femidon, don't even start on the femidom.

So your average Jane more often than not ends up on the contraceptive pill. While we're all for family planning, there are some home truths only those on the pill will understand.

the pill

1. You forget to take it. It's expected you'll forget to take the odd pill once in a while, but honestly, being on oral contraception makes you realise how utterly shit your memory is. Sometimes you'll only remember to pop one when that green/pink/white packet falls out of your purse onto the customer service desk at Tesco. Because stuff like that always happens when there's an audience.

2. Your boobs become the enemy. Suddenly, none of your bras fit... Hello unwelcome trip to M&S to stock pile new undies. While you've always wanted a bigger rack, when your boobs actually grow you miss your smaller ones. Because let's face it, when your tits hurt after getting out of a chair too quickly it's a sad, sad situation.

3. You bring new and extreme meaning to the term "Jekyll and Hyde". I love you. I hate you. I love you. I hate you. I can't stop crying. I can't stop screaming in your stupid face. Get away from me! I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I'm just feeling a little... emotional. But seriously, get the ef away from me.

4. Special occasion = no break. Depending on what pill you're popping, you can treat yourself to a break from having any periods at all. That romantic weekend away, that poolside holiday somewhere sunny, that trip to grandma's house when you just can't be arsed to deal with being on, no problem. Say farewell to Aunt Flo for another month... And then regret your decision later when you're having the worst period known to [wo]man.

5. You hate your life but are also pleased you're not pregnant with Gary's baby. Being on the pill can sometimes feel like the worst thing in the world. And no, you're NOT being melodramatic! But despite all its shortcomings, you appreciate your complexion being a bit clearer - plus it's great not to be knocked up.



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