We might still reeling from Saturday night’s show - which brought us an impromptu Chinese buffet, the poshest contestant ever and the female version of Jedward, who were every bit as loaded up on adrenaline and Smarties as their male counterparts - but we barely had time to get over the image of Louis Walsh riding around in a sportscar before they chucked another episode of 'The X Factor' at us the following night.
Oh, Simon Cowell, you do spoil us. In case you missed it, or if you fancy reliving the best moments of the night, here are the top five acts from Sunday night’s auditions show…
Stevi Ritchie
It’s fitting that Essex-born Stevi works in a call centre, because he certainly has the gift of the gab. And by that, we mean, he will not stop talking until he’s literally told to shut up. Showing up to the auditions in a bizarre half-suit, half-jeans combo, we’ll admit we were rather looking forward to Mel B letting us see her ‘Scary Spice’ side, particularly after Stevi tried to offer us the most feeble sob story in ‘X Factor’ history: “Olly Murs lives down the road but I don’t know him.”
However, in a strange turn of events, the judges seemed to lap it up, and Stevi got four yeses, despite the fact he forgot the words, hopped from foot to foot during the world’s longest introduction and probably spoke more words in his garbled speech after his performance than he did the entire time he was speaking. Still, well done, Stevi. See you at the arena.
Only The Young
Yes, yes, we know, the kids will love them, etc., but there’s something a bit too cheesy about Only The Young for our tastes. They all live together in a house where they promise things can “get crazy”, though it seems not too crazy as one of their mums is always hanging about. If we were cynical, which we, of course, aren’t, you might think this was the producers’ way of showing kids that they were rebels without a cause, while still showing parents at home that they were not an act to be feared, and were still good role models. But, of course, we’re not cynical, so we would never think that.
Their audition was one of the most cheesy we’ve seen in a long time, and just when we thought things couldn’t get any more naff, they introduced an acapella chorus with a cheery "ONE! TWO! THREE!"
Kitten and the Hip
If anyone was going to put their foot in it, it would be - of course - Louis Walsh, who it took roughly a minute and a half to tell loved-up couple Kitten and the Hip that he thought they were father and daughter. Awks.
Even more awkward, after they delivered their eyebrow-raising performance, the judges told ‘Kitten’ that they’d put her through, but only if she ditched her husband, ‘The Hip’, and went at it alone as a solo act. She told the judges she’d do it, claiming performing was “her world”, about five minutes after telling producers that her family was “her world”. We bet that was a long car ride home...
Andrea Faustini
Here’s everything you need to know about Andrea. He’s Italian. He loves pugs (our kind of guy). He loves Mel B (definitely our kind of guy). And he is adorable. When he introduced himself we were praying he’d be good, simply because we wanted to see more of him. And maybe get a cuddle off him in the not too distant future.
What we weren’t expecting was that Andrea would deliver what was undoubtedly one of the best auditions of the episode, wowing the judges - and viewers - with his performance of ‘Who’s Lovin’ You’. Needless to say, we can’t wait to see how he gets on at the arenas. And, Andrea, if you’re up for that cuddle, do drop us a line...
Linzi Martin
One of the night’s more emotional moments came when former Girl Thing singer Linzi Martin turned up to the room for the last auditions of the day. Clearly the second series of ‘The Big Reunion’ didn’t kickstart the Girl Thing revival that the UK was crying out for.
Simon recognised Linzi straight away - having signed Girl Thing and set them on the glittering road to stardom, before quickly ditching them when their second single failed to reach the UK top 20 - and we all thought this was going to be her chance to prove herself.
That is, unfortunately, not what happened, and the young full-time mum’s audition was one of the most awkward we think we’ve ever seen, as the judges struggled to find the words to tell Linzi she wouldn’t be getting through to the next round of auditions. Talk about ending the episode on a high...